You want me to do what?

I thought I would tell some of my story as I begin this journey of being a real live blogger... As I picked a title for my blog the idea of people wanting to hear the thoughts of a person who is leading but came into it reluctantly came to mind.  Boy, I have read many books on leadership in my journey to become a better leader and I have come to the conclusion, I just might not find what I need in a book.  Now I have learned some very good things and have even implemented them in my life a bit, but all the thoughts out there on what a leader should look like usually just depressed me.  I have gone to some of the best leadership conferences and heard some of the best speakers out there and found myself entertained and challenged but not really changed.. I am still me..Now I have learned to like me, but I am still me, warts and all.

Anyway Barb and planted our Vineyard Church in 1994 and the reason we were thrust into church planting was because the one we had worked on with another leader was crashing and the leader was taking it into another direction and we felt called to be in the Vineyard.  So we had about 15 people who said that is what they wanted also and they said if we would lead it they would join in....A leader is born:)  Kind of... I tell people my being called into the ministry of a pastor was like a game of musical chairs and the last guy standing, the runner up in the game, they got to be pastor.  It was not very Moses like or Paul either it was more of a tag your it! 

I was very comfortable being a second or third in command kind of a person, you know just tell me what to do and I will do it but what you find out when you are the lead guy is everyone is looking at you to see what is next...At times I would catch myself looking around the room waiting for the leader to tell us what was next and then a light would go on and I would remember I was the leader and everyone was waiting on me!  Talk about stress.  But really it was not so stressful, mostly because I knew God was doing it and not me...I had no desire to be the leader of anything and I did not need a title to make my life more complete... I always knew that it is Jesus' Church and not mine and if He wanted me to lead I would do it but a bit reluctantly, well not a bit really, very reluctantly.  I mean I was a life long factory worker not a fully trained minister with credentials.  I had never been to Bible college or seminary.  I still can feel inadequate when I walk into a room of Pastors who have been to seminary and have letters in front or after their names.  " Hey where did you study?" "Ford motor company midnight shift." 
So what could I possibly offer anybody as a leader?  The only thing I knew, really was to teach people to love God, receive His love, and to give it away so that had to be enough. (there is another cool story connected to this I will share later) All I really had to share was a heart of a worshipper, that is really what I felt created to do was to worship God with all that is have.
I stumbled on these verses a year or so and they have become my life verse...Psalm 131..."My hear is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty;  I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.... But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.  O Israel (Bill) put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore."
Now as I close this blog for the night I need to tell you this: yes I am a reluctant leader and I love what I am doing.  God has blessed me with a great church family and I am in awe of all He is doing!  God is good...
Bill