Last blog I talked a bit about my call to being a pastor.... I mentioned in there that one thing I felt like I could do was to teach people to love God, receive His love and to give it away and that has been the vision for the church from the beginning. Well let me tell you a little about that..As we began meeting as a small group I then began hearing all the things a real leader does and one of them is, he has to have a vision and then be able to tell others the vision and see if they will buy into it. Well one night just before our meeting in our home I fell on the floor in our bedroom, overwhelmed by all that I felt was being demanded of me and the feeling of being in way over my head. (I later found out that is usually a good sign it is God calling because it is way more than I could ever do by myself) So I lay there weeping asking God for a way out when the Spirit calmly said, " Bill, all I need you to do is teach people to love me, to receive my love and to give it to others." I sat up and said, " Really? That's it? I think I can do that." I went out that night and shared the vision with the others and felt pretty OK with what God had said.
Now as a couple of weeks passed by I began to doubt and to question God about this..(ever done that? Sure you have.) I told myself it was just too simple and that there had to be more to it...I must have missed something there as I lay on the floor that night. Well a few of us made a trip to Columbus, I think for a kids ministry training, but that evening in another part of Columbus another church was holding a renewal meeting and the guest speaker was a guy named Marc DuPont. Marc was from the Toronto Vineyard where renewal was breaking out big time and he was there to kind of spread the renewal. Marc operates very much in the prophetic gifting and toward the end of the evening Barb and the other couple with us said I should go have Marc pray for me. Of course being a reluctant leader I was reluctant to go up but finally I did and I got Marc's attention. He came over and the first thing he told me was that he was really tired but he would pray for me. Thanks a lot buddy, for squeezing me in! To say the least my expectations were pretty low...but as he began to pray it was amazing! Now he said nothing new or anything like that but what he did was basically tell me he heard what God had told me to do, to teach people to love God, to receive His love and to give it away...and then the kicker, he then said, " And you think it is too simple but it is from God." You could have knocked me over with a feather! He read my mail almost word for word.
Now let me tell you what this meant to me, a very reluctant leader, it solidified my calling like nothing else could. Anytime doubt would hammer me or a new challenge would come up I would go back to my bedroom moment and then the experience with Marc and remember God called me to this. It sure was not my idea! It had to be His and then in His mercy and grace He confirmed it for me in way that was truly supernatural and sealed it forever... Sure I am still learning to be a leader but I do not doubt that God has called me. The amazing thing is He has called people to follow my leadership, really good people. Many times on a Sunday morning I have looked out in the big room and I am humbled by what I see when I look around.. God has been so good to me.. I am a reluctant leader but more important, I am a blessed one.
Let me leave you with a word from God: Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Pretty cool, huh? He is not done with me yet!
Bill
Pastor Bill, I really appreciate your honesty. For those of us who are put in a place to serve or lead and feel "reluctant" or not capable (note: ungodly belief), it's helpful to know that others - even our pastor - have felt the same way.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that when we first started attending Vineyard, the honesty (showing one's flaws, uncertainties, doubts, etc.) in leadership didn't seem right. That's not what leaders do in the corporate world (I know, key word being "world") and that's not what our previous pastor did.
However, we've been so drawn to the genuineness you display. We have begun to learn that when you love with God's love, there's no need to hide or to wear masks or to pretend. As believers, we are ALL commanded to accept one another, to not judge, to support, to teach, to lift up. How can a body of Christ do that when leadership don't appear to have any imperfections? Respect shouldn’t come by appearing to be at a higher level than your flock but by being willing to be REAL. Additionally, the danger in appearing to be "better than", super-holy and super-gifted is it can become self-promoting. It makes it easy for people to want to follow that strong, amazing leader...who is a MAN. There are those who want to increase, and there are those who want to decrease. There are those who want to promote themselves, and there are those who want to promote God.
It is with much grace and humility that the Apostle John says, “He must increase, but I must decrease”(John 3:30). Showing that you must decrease in order to increase will LEAD to Christ!
Just as a woman feels secure when she sees her husband leaning on Christ, we feel secure as we see our pastor leaning on Christ...for in his weakness, he is made strong.
This is what you are teaching us and showing us...and we have much respect for you!