What in the Church is Going On? Part 2

A few weeks back I shared a blog called “What in the Church is Going On” or something like that anyway. Found myself getting a little frazzled and frustrated with what I saw and heard going on in the church and the leaders of the church.  Pulled myself together...took a deep breath and moved on, realizing I have my own stuff to deal with.  Then...someone sent me a link to a video...a video of a pastor...Bishop Eddie Long and now a few more titles...and a ceremony that was unlike anything I have ever seen or experienced in my life as a follower of Jesus.  Or even as a non-follower!  I am not going to put the link out...if you are interested, go to You Tube and look for Eddie Long coronation...you will find a lot of stuff but if you look through the rubble you will find the service where Bishop Eddie is called a king and some other stuff...carried around the platform by four very strong guys as he sits in his big chair.

I only bring this up because it is so confusing to me...so contrary to how I see leadership in the church...I feel like an outsider looking in at a secret ceremony.  Like maybe it is a Masonic ceremony where only insiders understand...or me looking at a Islamic ceremony...maybe even a Mormon ceremony.  And I wonder, “what are they doing?”  As I watched the video I think my mouth was open the whole time in wonder at what was going on...and I also wondered how come the people there were not running out of the building as fast as they could.  (listen there is so much more to this story...I would not even attempt to coverall the baggage involved here.)

One thing I have found as you lead is that you are always tempted to believe whatever you are doing is the best thing...the really right thing...the truly God thing.  You want to be the guy getting it really right...don’t you?  You surely don’t want to be the guy who is so wrong that in the end everyone looks at you and wonders, “How could he get it so wrong?”  And I do not want to ever hear these words, “Depart from me....I never knew you...says Jesus.”  Hey wait a minute...this is Bill...you remember me...I got it right!  So I live in the tension of leading in what I know to be true...not more than that...not less...what I see in scripture to be known and practiced.  

It gets hard at times...like being at a family reunion and seeing one part of the family that is acting crazy...maybe too much to drink...or too mean and always fighting...too loud...and people are beginning to stare because of the turmoil and noise...and there you are...seen...you are one of them!  You might yell out that you are not really one of them...just kind of related...but a distant relationship for sure...really distant.  But you are related...you are seen as one...of them...and them could be...a right wing republican...a wild, chandelier swinging charismatic...a fundamentalist...a gay hater...a conservative...well, you name it...that may be the label handed to you. You love Jesus...that is all you ever wanted was to love and follow and act like Jesus...you did not know what the whole family would look like...or act like.  We thought it would be about looking and acting like Jesus...what happened?  How did we get here?  Don’t you want to yell at our Father and tell Him to do something about our family...correct them..make them act better...make them like me...I mean, like Jesus!  

So I am back to...I don’t know what in the world those guys were thinking on that day...why it seemed good to them when it seems so weird to me...not sure why God did not pull the plug on that one. Just pull the plug on the camera or turn the electricity off for and hour or two...PLEASE!  No one from that side of the family is asking for my opinion...I would love to give it...and I could do it in a loving manner because I do love this thing called the Church.  But no calls...no e mails...so I will go on with the expression of the church God has called me to...and I know to some out there, we are one of the strange relatives...we act a little odd to some of the family...they are not comfortable around us. But it is what I know...how I read the Bible...see the church...I think we are pointing to Jesus more than ourselves...I think we are trying to live more like Him...love more like Him.  So maybe that is why, even as I watch this stuff and think it is goofy...kind of give me a sick feeling...and also it makes me cry...and pray...because we are so divided...so disconnected...so not like Jesus...what else could you do?  

I also have a challenge to throw out there...this goes out to all you out there that have great titles...Prophet...Apostle...Evangelist...Bishop...whatever your self inflicted title might be...(self inflicted might be a bit harsh...but it is my blog) STAND UP AND SPEAK OUT...IF THIS TITLE YOU HAVE MEANS ANYTHING...SAY SOMETHING!!!! (yes I was yelling...sorry)  Use your so called authority or turn your badge in...there now I feel much better...to be honest most of what I have seen around me, as you see guys and gals with spiritual sounding titles, is a competitive world that causes good men and women to strive for titles and forget what the title was for.  Bless me clubs who basically say, “I will make you a bishop if you make me a prophet...or an apostle...”I dislike titles...big time...titles equal entitlement on many levels.  I don’t even really like being called “Pastor” for the most part, because it can create a division between members of the body...can create levels of esteem, I guess, where one is more esteemed than another.  It is what I do...not who I am...it is my role in the church body...but God knows me as Bill...or even His best friend Bill...

Wow! Think I ended a little strong...it is my blog...I have to keep reminding you...but my love for Jesus...His Church causes me at times to say what I am thinking...and I am never saying here, I am right and they are wrong...I am just working out my frustration with parts of this family that make me cringe...

Bill            

someone is turning 60!!

This will be a bit different from my usual...well I am not even sure what the usual or normal even is.  Anyway I am going to spend some time here talking about someone else...my wife Barb.  She turns 60 in a couple of days and I thought I would reminisce about our life together. We will have been married for 40 years this coming June...40 YEARS!!! Most of my church was not even born yet!  OK I am over that...When we began dating I was not a believer...in fact I was very lost...and her dad was a pastor...a Baptist pastor at that.  He was a hell fire and brimstone preacher...a screamer...a sweater(not clothing, he sweat a lot)...and I had never even been to church before.  Talk about jumping from the fire to the pan..or the pan to the fire, however that goes. (I am 60 you know) Anyway to shorten that part of the story, I gave my life to Jesus in that little church and things have never been the same. The kind of cool thing is it was right in the middle if the Jesus Movement and God was doing cool stuff all over the place... we came to Jesus in a country, blue grass, singing church filled with people from Alabama, Kentucky, West Virginia, and other parts south.  Not really hip or cool...but it was good.

The thing is this was the real beginning of our journey with God together...we did every job known to man and, hopefully God, in the church.  Ran a bus ministry, taught Sunday school, lead youth group and so much more.  I even led a choir at one time in our lives...I could not read music..was just beginning to sing myself...but we did it.  That is the thing...we did it.  Many times I got the recognition but we did it...you know the old saying, “Behind every good man is a great woman” but for us it has always been side by side...well when I could keep up!  I can remember one time sleeping on the couch and waking up with her hand on my chest praying for me...to be open to the things of the Spirit of God.  She was hungry for all that God had and would never leave me behind...and wanted me to lead our family in these things.

Another funny but also sad thing was on a couple of occasions I had pastors of churches we were in, come to me in secret and ask me what was I going to about her? Could I control her? I asked what was the problem? They both said something to the effect that she was just so passionate and kind of vocal.  She was not or did not appear to be the quiet, submissive woman who only spoke when I gave her permission. Well, they were right about that I guess...but I always wondered how you could not want a passionate, fully in love with Jesus person in your church body?  She was not a gossiper or complainer...she was not trying to be in charge...she just wanted Jesus and everything He wanted for her.  Now was she perfect? Of course not but believe me she was never a problem...unless you were intimidated by someone who wanted Jesus over religion or going through the motions.  If that intimidated you...then it was a problem...but honestly she was not the problem.

So we have walked together doing Jesus stuff for 40 years...I would like to say it has been easy...well it has been pretty easy really.  She is an extrovert...I am an introvert.  She processes out loud...really loud with her hearing loss...and I process inside..to myself...quietly.  So we have the normal, you married someone opposite of you things going on, but the one thing we have had in common from the beginning is our love for Jesus and His Church...serving His Church...serving together...for 40 years.  The last 17, well almost 18, have been in the roles of being pastors and while there have been some difficult times it also has been the most fun we have ever had in the Church.  I can honestly say today...though I have not always felt this way but through some healing I have received recently, we were made to do this...together.  Being pastors was never really on our radar...well I suppose on a couple of occasions we felt the twinge of a call...but it was not a goal out there to be grasped, it was just a call we surrendered to together.  And really we surrendered to this call as a family...I can remember asking the kids how they felt about it...us planting a church...they had been through enough church stuff in their lives without us adding more stuff to them.  They both said yes and I can remember Stacy saying, “What else are we going to do?”  (great kids too) 

Anyway lots more could be said...but I was right when I questioned what the other pastors were thinking...why wouldn’t you want someone like Barb in your church?  The passion and the love for Jesus is bigger than ever...I am still trying to keep up on many occasions...but we do this thing together...and it is fun!

Happy Birthday Barb...you will love being 60!  Many great discounts...and naps are expected!

Bill          

What a ride!

Have you ever had one of those Aha! moments?  One where you realize something is different...or you finally understand what your spouse is saying...well that is kind of big, but you get the drift.  A time where something becomes clearer to you or you are just kind of stopped in your tracks as you see something that, even though you have seen it many times before, it seems brand new.  Got it yet?  Well, I kind of had one last week, and you would think at 60 you might not have those moments again. With God all things are possible.

Anyway Barb and I were at some formational prayer training classes and in one of the small group activities I had an Aha! moment...kind of.  We were doing this exercise where we draw an outline of our bodies (that is not the moment..trust me...think Michelin tire man:) on paper and then we stand in front of the form and write on the paper things said about us that have left a mark, or dysfunctional behaviors we might be involved in...then we write false beliefs we have about ourselves...then over all of that we write what Jesus would say about all of that stuff.  We did this last spring at a retreat we were at and it was kind of painful and emotional at the time...but this time what I noticed was...it was much different this time.  I had to work at remembering things that hurt and false beliefs about myself...they were there for sure but not with the same intensity as in the past. As I pondered what was going on I realized...I am not the same guy was last year at this time.  Oh I look the same for sure...still miss my hair...still need to lose weight...but inside much different.  

Why would I share this?  To encourage anyone out there who feels like there is not much hope out there for them.  That there are some things that will never change...we are doomed to be this way until Jesus comes back. I have to believe if God can rewire me He can rewire others also...but I wonder how often we give up right before our healing comes.  Many times I felt like giving up in any pursuit of wholeness...Now I am not trying to tell you I am now going to challenge  Bill Hybels or John Maxwell and begin writing books on leadership...but I do feel comfortable in my own skin.  Barb will ask, “Why don’t you write a book?” and I will just shake my head and ask, “Who would ever read it?”  So am I going to write a book?  Not sure but now I have this sense of why not me? So we will see.

Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 5 that we are a new creation...old things pass...new things come to us.  I knew this...I know this...and I am knowing this...I have always believed that as long as we follow Jesus, we keep being changed, we keep growing in Him...it is a journey not a sprint. I love this journey.  I am so blessed to be a part of a local church that has never expected perfection from me...but they deserve to have me continue to grow and experience God...and to pass that along.  

I have always questioned God why He called me to be a pastor...what was He thinking...why me?  Now I can say...why not me?  It is about Him not me...I would laugh and say, “He used a donkey, He surely can use me.”  Now I can see how He used fishermen and tax collectors to change the world...so if I surrender all to Him, He can use a factory worker to change the world too.  What a ride! What a thrill! How thankful! How grateful! If you are not having fun chasing after Jesus...sorry.  I am having a blast...hope you will join me on this amazing journey.

Bill            

what in the Church is going on?

In our small group the other night we were reading in Luke and Jesus sermon on the plain...(or the mount) We came across verse 37 of chapter 6 which reads, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged.  Do  not condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive and you will be forgiven.”  You know trying to figure out what is considered to be judging can be kind of difficult...that day, earlier, I had written another blog and had it ready to post and then quit.  Something said, don’t do it...you see I had written about some stuff I had read online about a famous TV preacher taking over another church...former pastors ex-wife suing church...(so much more...it would have been funny if it was not so sad)  Another article about a churches “gay” nativity scene being vandalized...hate crime? And more...

Now I can honesty say that most of it was just embarrassing and it does make me crazy when I read these things...because I do love the church...the whole church.  I don’t think I am always right and they are so wrong...I am concerned about the health of the church in the U.S. We are celebrity driven...people look for churches like they look for restaurants...or stores...like a consumer...and we, as leaders, have bought into that on so many levels.  What can we do better...cooler...newer...shorter...etc?  Can we make God look good??? 

Back to my problem...yes I was frustrated...(I only gave you a small, brief sampling) and I have to say, deep down it probably does make me feel better about myself...I may not lead a mega-church, be on TV, and all that other stuff...but I am still married...I truly love the church God has graced me to lead. I was trying to write from a humorous perspective but I found making fun of such hurtful situations did not feel very humorous. So I had to stop and think a moment...or two.  Then I had to repent for such prideful thinking...yes I truly dislike what some do in the name of God...at the expense of His church...but it is not my job to condemn or judge. Now if they would ask me my opinion I would love to give it:) but they did not. 

So I heard the Spirit take something Jesus said and spin it around on me a bit...He said one time, “Why be anxious about tomorrow...today has enough stuff to worry about.”  I heard the whisper, “Why worry about their stuff...you got enough stuff of your own.”  OK...got it. 

I will ask this of any of you reading this...and you are an elite group for sure:)  Pray for the church...the whole church...Bill Hybels says, “The church is the hope of the world,” and when I read this other stuff, I feel bad for the world, really.  Are we bringing hope?  Are we showing hope?  And then as we read the soap opera in some of the US church...we also read about the rest of the world...people dying in Nigeria...because they follow Jesus. North Korea has the worst record of all in the way followers of Jesus are persecuted...Islamic extremist are taking over many governments and Christians are being persecuted.  So we need to pray...pray...and pray.  My heart is broken for the church and it is not my job to mock and make fun of it...to judge and condemn...it is to pray.

I repent for my prideful attitude...and cry for His people...His leaders...of which I am one.

Bill   

Celebrate...with a Fast???

I think one of the things I really enjoy about leading a church, just one of the things not the only thing, is God has given us freedom to be a bit unorthodox.  To challenge the way things have always been done...or the things you do to be more successful as a pastor...you know, get your church bigger.  Now I am not opposed to growing larger in numbers...in fact that could be kind of fun...not at the expense of allowing God to be God...and have His church back.  This is not criticizing anyone else...because I suspect they are doing what they feel God has called them to do and they should have the same freedom I want to do what God has called them to. 

A couple of years ago God lead us as a church to begin the New Year with a 21 day fast...it came at a time of desperation for me as a leader. It was right after Christy Wimber had been with us and really challenged me to be a leader...when people were angry with me and leaving...many did not even know why they were mad, they just were.  I started in December to get a head start on the rest of the body and did a forty day fast.  The whole thing was life changing...and church changing. Couple of things happened for sure...I had to call the church to the fast and lead them in it. They had to respond...and they did. For me it was a somber time as I sought God for huge changes in my life...healing had to happen for me to go on...and it has...with more to come.  It brought the church together...the stories from families were awesome...it was a somber time for sure.  

Last year we did the fast again...not as hurting as the year before...but crying out for God to move among us.  In the past I have always come up with a saying for the New Year, but last year I did not come up with one. In the middle of the year God really began to lead us into some really cool thing...hard things, but awesome.  It became a year of choosing life...over death.  Hard things were preached and people responded...really felt challenged to challenge us to live a life that honors God and not to live for ourselves and our own happiness....the American dream. We wanted to be a people “preoccupied with God” giving Him room to work in our lives individually and corporately.

So this year I was getting ready to write a devotion to send out to the church for the week and begin to prepare them for the time of our fast together. I began to sense God was speaking something to me concerning the fast...this will sound weird but I think it was Him...that this fast will be one of celebration and gratitude.  As I thought about it my heart filled with thanksgiving as I thought about God and His blessings.  Then I wondered can you fast and celebrate?  Can you fast and be joyful?  I mean can you really be happy without food? Or technology? Or TV? Or????  I am thinking YES YOU CAN! Jesus said...”I have food to eat that you know nothing about.  My food is to do the will of Him who sent me..” “I am the bread of life...” That’s it...i want to celebrate the Bread of Life...I am going to wash my face...comb my hair...well shine my head...and celebrate the bread of life...sent from God...for my consumption.  So it may seem odd but I really believe this will be a season to celebrate God...to taste and see that the Lord is good. Doing a fast forces you to slow down...slow down and focus...On Him. 

As a regular guy who leads and amazing church family...I have much to be thankful for...so step aside as I celebrate...by fasting...hmmm. 

Bill  

Christmas thoughts...where will you be on Christmas morning?

I cannot believe Christmas is on Sunday again this year!  Seems like it was just a couple of years ago it happened, turns out it was seven.  What’s the problem?  Culture, Church culture has changed so much over the years that the question comes up, “Are we doing a service on Christmas morning?”  In the past the answer would have been, “Of course we are! It’s Jesus birthday!”  Well yes and no about the birthday thingy, but it is the time we celebrate His birth, I get that part.  So what do we do?  A reporter from our local newspaper called the other day to see what we were doing on that Sunday since it has been kind of a hot question all over.  I love when he calls because I know the way I answer will never be the right answer for many of his readers.  I usually read the paper online and the online edition allows readers to make comments.  Oh boy!  

He had called me another time to get my opinion when a big time college football coach was fired for doing some cheating, well mostly for not being honest.  This coach is well known and had written books on ethics and integrity and he was known to be a Christian.  The reporter asked how the church should respond to someone like this.  Well I gave my response and used some scriptures to talk about our responsibility to walk with him through this hard time.  Well the comments that came from that was amazing...and mean!  So now I get to be quoted as saying, “ We are not holding services that morning, not wanting to interrupt family time. Also we will let our people know who is doing services on Sunday so if they feel the need they can go.”  Sure enough as I read the article, there was my name and quote.  Ahhh...we all want to be in the paper don’t we? (well not if we broke the law...but to be quoted..sweet!)  Not really...not if you are going to read the comments...”those churches who are not having services on the Sunday are not churches at all! they are fake!” (not the exact words but close)  Goodness, I don’t feel fake. Well sometimes I suppose I do when I read about Jesus and look at my life...but not about church.  

Kind of harsh words from someone who does not know me...or our church family.  Well part of the disconnect is this...we don’t go to church...it is who we are.  Will our church family be in the same building on that Sunday celebrating Jesus? No...but we will celebrate...as the Church...in our homes...our family homes...and we will remember why we are together.  Do I feel guilty about not doing a Christmas celebration on that Sunday?  Not really...well in a religious way, sure I do.  But I remember Jesus having numerous arguments with the Pharisees over the Sabbath and how religious they had made it.  It was cumbersome and restrictive...it was a heavy load put upon the shoulders of the people...not at all a rest like God had intended.  Not a day to focus on God and all He had done for them...instead it became another rule to be kept and not broken. Jesus healed on the sabbath...and got threatened...set people free...and was criticized...because He broke a rule. 

So I can feel bad about not keeping a religious tradition...or I can freely worship the One who the day is set aside for...with my kids and grandkids, in-laws and outlaws and friends.  I choose that. Sorry...well no I am not sorry...should I be...I don’t think so...what do you think?


Now as I finish this blog, please do not hear me accusing those who will do Sunday Services on Christmas morning as being religious or legalistic...I just want the freedom to lead my fellowship the way I sense God giving me permission to lead...I may go to a friends celebration that Sunday...and will enjoy myself.  

Bill           

Can I Have This Dance???

This blog is mostly about my struggle with being a leader...or at least being in a leadership role.  I believe some of my older posts have covered my struggle with it and how, during some services with Christy Wimber, things began to change inside of me.  A few years ago Barb and I took some ballroom dance classes with some friends from the church at a nearby Y.  We took 4 or 5 set of classes...swing, box step, rumba,etc. Well, it was kind of fun...but not a lot...see we spent most of the time on the dance floor fighting over who would lead the dance.  Barb would argue and say she was letting me lead but the whole time we were dancing she would say things like, “I want to do what that couple is doing!...why can’t we do that move?” Now it is hard to lead when you are just learning yourself...and even harder when the one you are leading is looking all around the room seeing what others are doing and wanting to follow them...not me!  

So with some fear and trepidation we joined a small group at church, a common interest group, for ball room dancing. Same instructor as before...would we get the same results? It has gone really well...and Barb is following my lead!  Really! One difference, I believe, is that I am leading...with some confidence as we learn the steps.  It is hard to lead when you are unsure yourself where you want to go next.  Also I am the kind of person that can get comfortable doing something one way and not really press myself to do something different.  If I am happy doing a box step and walking in the same pattern over and over why try to do a new step?  Why can’t the box be enough?  Barb on the other hand is always looking for the next new adventure...the next step...the next trip...the next... 

As I grow more to understand the steps and the act of leading it is more fun for both of us...me to be stretched...and she can quit looking around the room to see what others are doing.  She has to focus on being led...by me.  

Now an odd thing has happened in my leading the church...and the staff.  Now this may sound arrogant here, but stay with me for a moment.  As long as I have been leading the church it has seemed to me like God has been working on me night and day for 17 years.  Healing stuff...pointing out junk that needed to go. Then Christy comes and seems to spend 3 days preaching to me...right to me...about leadership issues...and without mentioning my name, pointing out what happens when I do not lead.  Someone will. They will look around a the success of others and want to know why it is not happening here. The other thing that happens is people wear out trying to follow a leader not sure of where he is going.  

Now the arrogant part...I always wondered why God never seemed to be doing anything with Barb or Dave..(my brother in law and worship leader) why could they just stay the same?  Where was the crushing they needed to go through...why just me?  Lately God has been doing some big time work in both of them...that is their story and not mine but trust me...BIG.  As I thought about this a bit more it came to me...God really would not move to change things or maybe more likely, they would not be in the right position to change until I took my role as leader more seriously.  Until I chose to be PASTOR and lead they were frustrated by the wobbling around...would challenge me...would be angry with me.   They both were better at leading what they were called to lead than I was...at least more sure of themselves.  Now as I take my position and calling seriously and am still growing in it...God is breaking through in some areas they needed to address...and He does it so well. It changes the atmosphere around the whole church family...tension is leaving...probably not gone fully but on its way out.  God is moving with freedom and power in our celebrations...we are making room for the Spirit to move and to touch people.  I think I am sorry it took me 17 years to address some of my own stuff...but then again, God never seemed like He was in a hurry.  

Am I saying I am a finished product??? Not at all...I am still a work in progress...I have confidence He will finish this work He began in me...and I have a desire to finish this race well.  So I will keep dancing...leading those I am supposed to lead...and being led by the One who knows all the steps.

Bill