This blog is mostly about my struggle with being a leader...or at least being in a leadership role. I believe some of my older posts have covered my struggle with it and how, during some services with Christy Wimber, things began to change inside of me. A few years ago Barb and I took some ballroom dance classes with some friends from the church at a nearby Y. We took 4 or 5 set of classes...swing, box step, rumba,etc. Well, it was kind of fun...but not a lot...see we spent most of the time on the dance floor fighting over who would lead the dance. Barb would argue and say she was letting me lead but the whole time we were dancing she would say things like, “I want to do what that couple is doing!...why can’t we do that move?” Now it is hard to lead when you are just learning yourself...and even harder when the one you are leading is looking all around the room seeing what others are doing and wanting to follow them...not me!
So with some fear and trepidation we joined a small group at church, a common interest group, for ball room dancing. Same instructor as before...would we get the same results? It has gone really well...and Barb is following my lead! Really! One difference, I believe, is that I am leading...with some confidence as we learn the steps. It is hard to lead when you are unsure yourself where you want to go next. Also I am the kind of person that can get comfortable doing something one way and not really press myself to do something different. If I am happy doing a box step and walking in the same pattern over and over why try to do a new step? Why can’t the box be enough? Barb on the other hand is always looking for the next new adventure...the next step...the next trip...the next...
As I grow more to understand the steps and the act of leading it is more fun for both of us...me to be stretched...and she can quit looking around the room to see what others are doing. She has to focus on being led...by me.
Now an odd thing has happened in my leading the church...and the staff. Now this may sound arrogant here, but stay with me for a moment. As long as I have been leading the church it has seemed to me like God has been working on me night and day for 17 years. Healing stuff...pointing out junk that needed to go. Then Christy comes and seems to spend 3 days preaching to me...right to me...about leadership issues...and without mentioning my name, pointing out what happens when I do not lead. Someone will. They will look around a the success of others and want to know why it is not happening here. The other thing that happens is people wear out trying to follow a leader not sure of where he is going.
Now the arrogant part...I always wondered why God never seemed to be doing anything with Barb or Dave..(my brother in law and worship leader) why could they just stay the same? Where was the crushing they needed to go through...why just me? Lately God has been doing some big time work in both of them...that is their story and not mine but trust me...BIG. As I thought about this a bit more it came to me...God really would not move to change things or maybe more likely, they would not be in the right position to change until I took my role as leader more seriously. Until I chose to be PASTOR and lead they were frustrated by the wobbling around...would challenge me...would be angry with me. They both were better at leading what they were called to lead than I was...at least more sure of themselves. Now as I take my position and calling seriously and am still growing in it...God is breaking through in some areas they needed to address...and He does it so well. It changes the atmosphere around the whole church family...tension is leaving...probably not gone fully but on its way out. God is moving with freedom and power in our celebrations...we are making room for the Spirit to move and to touch people. I think I am sorry it took me 17 years to address some of my own stuff...but then again, God never seemed like He was in a hurry.
Am I saying I am a finished product??? Not at all...I am still a work in progress...I have confidence He will finish this work He began in me...and I have a desire to finish this race well. So I will keep dancing...leading those I am supposed to lead...and being led by the One who knows all the steps.
Bill
Here is Jonathan McKee's re-telling of a classic fable:
ReplyDeleteA chicken and a pig went for a walk around the farm. As they passed the farmers window they noticed a wonderful breakfast prepared for the farmer and his wife sitting on the breakfast table. As they peeked closer they noticed ham and eggs on the plates.
The pig and chicken were silent for a moment as they took in the impact of what they saw. Finally, looking at the eggs and prideful of her contribution, the chicken said, "now that was a sacrifice!" The pig looked at the ham on the plate and finally turned to the chicken and said, "Yes, for you it is a sacrifice. But for us it is total commitment!"
Amen, there is a new freedom in Vineyard, nothing can stay it seems. I know when I first started there in February, LOVE was oozing out of the place onto me and I was drawn into finally after 36 years - receiving the love of Jesus! Now it's as if our worship and message is breaking things off. They can't stay within us any longer when we are in the body worshiping and fellowshipping. It's the craziest thing. The Lord is bringing to the forefront everything that the enemy has used as a trump card to tug on and shake our foundation. As God is bringing it forward, it's being removed willingly as we surrender to Him - we're being transformed!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this Pastor Bill, we can all apply this truth to our lives in one way or another. It's something going on in the body, new freedom, the butterlies releasing from the cocoons. I feel it. :)
Sunshine G.
Sooooo...does this mean we call you PASTOR Bill now? Just curious...Pastor Bill. ;)
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