Wet Leadership Lessons

I was talking with a few friends recently about how they were doing and the rough time they had been going through at their church. The main guy is a great communicator/speaker, his wife is a gentle pastor and his main associate is an extremely gifted and loyal guy. You would never suspect they could be facing what they are facing...then you hear more of the story. One of a good leader hearing too many voices on how to lead...and he got lost in the noise...he began leading trying to keep others happy.  

Reminded me of the time we were finishing the last leg of our week of motorcycling on the Blue Ridge Parkway. We were an hour or two our from our home and Ray said I should lead us to the house. From there they might go on or spend the night and then head on in the morning. It was an easy leading assignment...it was my home...we were on a highway not back roads. Really it was just riding in front of Ray and Carol. How hard could that be? YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED!

As we got closer to home (nice title of my favorite Grand Funk song...sorry) the weather began to change especially in front of us. We stopped and gassed up and I suggested maybe we stop there and wait it out...Ray said we could press on. (thought I was leading:) So off we head...right into a storm. Now this is the hard part...I was leading but I was also wondering how Ray would lead here...what would he do? (WWRD) I was thinking we should stop but I didn’t want Ray to think I cannot lead...it is not fun getting wet on a bike. I mean the sky was ugly and menacing and it was obvious it was going to rain...sometime. I kept looking in my mirror to see if maybe Ray would wave me over...yeah I am leading...kind of. No wave. So we kept going forward...that is what a leader does...goes forward. Right? 

Now to top it off we had called ahead and talked to my daughter and she told us it was raining. But we were not sure I guess. Then it happened. The skies opened up and down came the rain. Cars were pulling over...not us. WWRD was my main thought...even as it felt like I was about to drown on my bike. How embarrassing would that be...”Man Drowns While Riding Motorcycle!” The Toledo Blade would have been all over it. I can hear them interviewing Ray...”Well I wondered why we did not stop...but Bill was leading.” Sure Ray, throw me under the bus! 

The point really is this...you cannot lead if you are looking over your shoulder wondering if everyone following you is happy. Happeh, happeh, happeh. Does not work. You go crazy. You are trying to think about what they are thinking. Instead of leading you are trying to keep people happy...so they will follow as you lead. This was my friends situation...the one at the beginning at the story. He had others correcting him and threatening...to stop following him. In the end that is what they did anyway...and they took many with them. Now we can blame them and they get some blame for sure. But like when I was on the bike...I knew we should stop...and I did not. I knew what should be doing but once I stopped leading and began following from up front...we were going to get wet. We sure did. 

I am not talking like we don’t need feed back...there is wisdom in a multitude of counsellors...if I had stopped and consulted with Ray and Carol I might have found we were on the same page. Instead I tried to think for both of us...not good. I am not mind reader...sometimes I am not sure what I am thinking! 

My friends have been hurt badly...maybe we could say they got soaked. On a motorcycle the worst thing you could do is spend more time looking behind you or to the side than looking straight ahead. You need to look ahead to see the traffic or the clouds ahead. What is behind you really cannot get you like what is in front of you...and you are leading. I just heard of a guy riding his bike on the turnpike and he looked down at something and when he looked up...traffic was stopped. He was not. He walked away...hurt...his bike totaled...stuff happens.

I know there will always be many voices behind us and around us to help us. Some will help...but some won’t. You have to discern...and that means you have to know you are leading...or not. 

Barb and I just got back from Zimbabwe. I traveled there with three women and while there I was usually accompanied by four women...I learned things like how to say, “He/she is such a sweet person.” “What a wonderful person ____ is. Just wonderful.” I learned every place you go you should take pictures...even if you have been there hundreds of times before...be quiet and take the picture. I learned a lot...and did not talk much. No room in the inn. 

Enough whining, it was a great trip built around much praying. Lot of praying...at any time...in any place. Pray. Now! Awesome, really. 

Now Barb has a thing about rhinos...pictures of them...carvings of them...statues of them. Rhinos...she looked for them everywhere we went...and bought a lot of them. It is my fault she has fallen in love with the rhino...not because of my body type. A few years back I did a sermon series titled, “Crashing into___” I read a book written by Erwin McManus titled, “The Barbarian Way” and in the book he talks about a trip to the San Diego Zoo he took with his children. At the zoo they would give you the names of what a group of animals were called. Dolphins are a pod. Flamingo are a Flamboyance. My personal favorite...buzzards are a Committee. So the chapter goes until he comes to the Rhino. A herd of Rhino is called a Crash...yep a Crash. Why you ask? Thanks for asking. Well, a rhino can run up to 30 MPH but can only see about thirty feet out. Hence the name crash...if you or something else is out about 31 feet by the time they see you...crash! 

So why does she love rhinos so much or what does she get from that image? Why did I title a sermon series “Crashin‘ Into___”?  For me and Barb the image of the rhino running that fast and seeing so little in front of them is a great description of the kingdom of God crashing into the kingdom of darkness. Both John the Baptist and Jesus came on the scene proclaiming the kingdom of God coming...now...and in the future. This was not a timid statement with a lot of religious connotations stuck to it. It was a declaration...of war. What happened as Jesus declared the presence of the kingdom? The blind see, the deaf hear, the lame run...the captives chains are broken...the poor hear the good news. Darkness was pushed back...the religious became uncomfortable...those living in shame were lifted up. 

Jesus gives a model prayer to pray...”Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.” Matt.6:9-15

We have tamed this down a bit by repetition but this little prayer is another declaration of war...against the ruler of this age. Christianity has been tamed a bit...well quite a bit I think. What was once a radical call to follow Jesus and live our lives counter to culture has adapted to culture. The group that once offered healing and help now entertains and hides the power in the back room...kind of embarrassing those emotional, charismatic type. In much of the world people die for naming the name of Christ...here we fight to be popular...liked...accepted. Kind of interesting Jesus told His guys they would be hated like He was hated...and yet we fight to be accepted and liked. To be seen as accepting and tolerant...and then the biggest...to be seen as cool. Sigh...

So on our trip to Zimbabwe our team went to a game preserve where we could see elephants, giraffes, lion’s and rhino. Yep rhino...Barb was excited for sure. Well, we found the rhino and they came right up to our trailer where we were seated. I was getting kind of nervous...wouldn’t you? That big powerful animal coming right up to you...then I noticed they were being guided towards us...by skinny guys with sticks. Then the guide fed them some sweet mix of grains. Then...then Barb fed them. Are you kidding me...these beasts eating out of her hand and she is petting them on the head. What!!!!???? They were tamed...gentle. It was nice to be close to them for sure but is this how it is supposed to be? Something felt wrong...really wrong. Don’t get me wrong it was fun....but still. 

Later as we left the thought started coming to me...just like we see the rhino as the kingdom of God crashing into the kingdom of darkness with the Church leading the way, this picture of tamed rhino reminded me of the church. What was once powerful filled with surprise and even chaos has been tamed. Where we once ran full speed with our eyes fixed on Jesus...the author and perfecter of our faith, we now take our cues from culture. What once ran into culture, in the opposite direction now drifts slowly, peacefully along with it. We once said give us our daily bread...like we could only see thirty feet in front now needs five year plans and CEO’s at the helms of corporations meetings budgets and projections. Acts says, “ Great fear seized the whole church and all who heard about these events. No one else dared join them, even though they were highly regarded by the people.” Acts 5:11+13 Well in many cases no one wants to join us but we are not highly regarded either. 

Sure it was fun seeing tame rhinos...but not scary...and not impressive either. It would have been much more fun and intense if we had caught a glimpse of one knowing at any moment he could turn on us and chaos would ensue. His power unleashed and untethered, loose to explode at any moment. Your heart rate goes up...an encounter that could be life changing...or even ending! 

I was talking with some friends the other day and I told them, “I don’t think church should be safe...from God...maybe from strange people...but God needs to be free to get their attention.” The taming of the rhinos is kind of a sad thing...but the taming of the church is even sadder. We are moving in fear...afraid culture won’t like us anymore. Some of our own super stars are pushing us to make peace with culture...to stop living counter cultural but adapt to it. Take the message of the kingdom and tone it down a bit...change it where needed. Take sections of scripture that makes us uncomfortable and explain away...or just ignore because they are offensive to many. Inside and out of the church. 

I just celebrated another birthday recently and I realize I may be running out of birthdays soon...well at least I know I am way past middle age...unless I live to be 124. I know my days being a pastor of my church family could be winding down...and I have decided...along with Barb...we refuse to turn over a tame, calm church over to our successor...it won’t be a likable, easy going group looking for hand outs and just trying to be liked by everyone. We refuse to drift with culture enjoying the sights as we go...we will swim upstream, against the current. We will embrace the power and the chaos of the power of the kingdom breaking in. We are not going to feed the rhino from our hand, we are going to hop on the back of one of those crazy animals running 30 MPH knowing they cannot see where they are heading but knowing no one is going to stop it. I cannot imagine when Jesus said, “Behold the kingdom of God is here.” He saw what we see now...a Sunday morning product, rehearsed and perfected, with lights and smoke. I cannot imagine when Peter stood up on that Pentecost morning, he could envision services that would last less than an hour...parking lot attendants...an order of service. That one day we would look at the gifts of the Spirit and say, “Deny not, seek not.” That would have driven Peter back to fishing for sure. Many of our places cannot relate to “Silver and Gold we don’t have.” Lots of that around for buildings and such...but neither can we say “Stand up and walk!” 

Enough for today...but you get my point...my loooong point. I may design a new bumper sticker...”Free the Kingdom of God” 

Bill

PS...You thought I was done didn’t you? So did I. I remember on our motor cycle trip to Sturgis how we stopped in one of the National Parks. As we rode along a large herd of Buffalo began crossing the road and walking close by. Now these animals are not tame or use to people. They are angry and crabby...kind of like me I guess:) We sat there close to a baby with the dad coming up from behind...he began snorting and looking at us. The idea of trying to feed him and make friends with him never crossed my mind. I was looking for an escape route...my heart rate picked up...I knew at any moment this calm picture taking opportunity could get crazy real quick. Totally different than my rhino experience...and many of my church experiences! But it was memorable...     

Seeker Sensitive...hmmmm

Sooo I got some nice feedback on the last blog...no bad stuff. I have been thinking a bit more about where we are as an association of churches. One of the things I would like to say as I begin here is as I see things I do not understand and disagree with these are really good people I disagree with. I tend to get frustrated and when I get frustrated I can just kind of let it out. I am frustrated right now...with my tribe...and with large segments of the church that seems to me are panicking big time. But back to what I was just saying...these are really good people...motivated primarily by compassion and mercy. Feeling like there is a whole segment of the population that rejects the church and even more important to them...the church seems to reject these people. So I believe in my heart there is a pure motive behind their struggle...I disagree but I love and respect them. When there is a fracture in the family...it hurts. I think that is why I get fired up...it hurts...no winner here. 

As I think more about this I am going to throw out a really hot potato...this one may get me placed in a looney bin but here goes. I wonder, as I watch this all unravel, I wonder how much the “seeker sensitive” aspect of church growth in our tribe contributes to this dilemma? As in many places, some of our largest churches, not all but many of them have gone to the seeker format...maybe even beyond seeker sensitive...seeker driven. Now from my 30 plus years in the Vineyard...oops I named names...my belief was John taught us to be seeker sensitive in the way we talked...dressed...if something happened during the service we took time to explain what was going on, prophecy, tongue, healing...just tell the people what is happening. We were a presence movement. 

Worship was essential...now in some places ten or twelve minutes no more. Room for the Holy Spirit...not in a 60 minute service...get them in and get them out. Ministry time...again no room in the inn. So many things that were trademarks of my tribe gone. John wrote books like “Power Evangelism” and taught seminars, “SIgns and Wonders and Church Growth.”  I heard him say on DVD that he never wanted the church to be a safe place...not safe from God! Now I know John was extremely gifted...he was a charismatic leader who moved in great power...he tried to give it to us but some things he was just blessed with. Now again before I go to far we have churches still doing the stuff, as we used to say. Penny and Danny Meyer...Happy and Di Lehman...Robby Dawkins...Christy Wimber...many others. But lots of churches with no interest in being “empowered evangelicals” maybe just evangelical...or maybe not even that. 

My questions is has the church growth movement, centered on seekers, moved us away from the main and the plain? I remember our second National Director, after John and how he talked about Gen X until it came out of our ears and noses, then moved to post modernism. Over and over...post modern this...post modern that. We have got to change...we have got to get ready. At one of our National meetings he had the guru of post modern gurus in to talk with us. You know what he told us? Don’t change a thing...you are set for the future...experiential with worship...community with small groups...on and on he went...and we did not listen. We got smoother and more acceptable...and less emphasis on Holy Spirit...and grew...numerically. 

Has the idea of church being for the seeker moved us away from what church really is...aren’t we the church? You know the people...aren’t we the church. I remember sitting in a work shop where the leader was talking about him planting a church and how he was not sure “the Sunday morning product” was ready. The "product"? Really? I am sure that was what Peter was thinking in Acts 2...”Boy I hope nothing happens today...I don’t think our Sunday morning product is quite ready yet.” Yep...can’t you hear that? Me neither. So we have more lights and better staging...play a secular song or two just to remind everybody how cool we really are. Two or three screens going...video clips...commercials during the message...hip, relevant message. Then send them home to do it all again. Don’t use too much scripture...they will get lost...they don’t have to carry a Bible because we can put it up on the big screens. 

I am not saying a lot of this stuff is bad...but is it a distraction? Does it cause us to water things down to not offend? Do we stay away from certain topics or do we approach them like Oprah and Dr. Phil...leaving the scriptures on the cutting floor? I know we are doing this to win the lost but I continue to wonder what are we winning them to? The body of Christ, where Jesus is the Head, and the Holy Spirit leads, guides and directs. Or a performance based setting that points to a building and says...that is the church...that building right there is where it all happens. 

I don’t have the answer but I wonder how history will look back on this season of seeker sensitive church growth activity. We have mega mega churches all over...not just my tribe...and statistically the Church is shrinking. Little influence on culture...not many lives changing. Massive campuses...multi campuses...and yet our numbers are shrinking. Churches closing...I wonder what the verdict will be. I wonder how a group of empowered evangelicals will respond...for me this is personal I suppose. Barb and I helped plant a Vineyard here in Toledo starting in 1988...yep...in the 80’s. Five years into it, the guy, who came from one of our biggest seeker churches said he did not believe in the things of the Spirit anymore...he was kind of excited about his discovery. Well, we went around and around for a while...he talked to the Reginal leader who told him that was fine but he could not lead in the Vineyard so he pulled the church out. Five years we invested in something we loved...gone on 60 seconds...seemed that way. Sooo we began over...with us as leaders...Rich Nathan gave us the go ahead and I mention his name because I am extremely grateful he took a chance on me...he did not have to but he did. I will always be thankful for a tribe who took a chance on a reluctant leader...a factory worker...so you can see all of this Holy Spirit stuff means a lot to us. What we saw when we came into the Vineyard is still what is important to us...worship...scripture...kingdom of God...the poor...healing the sick...all of this and so much more. I saw the Church in action...and that is what I wanted. I am not against seeker driven I just wonder how it has affected our movement...don’t you ever wonder? 

OK...I am back....on my own blog...so I can say what I want...right? So I thought I would write a letter to the Association of churches I belong to...an association of churches is another way of saying denomination without using the “D” word. Really it is so 80’s...network is much cooler. So anyway when you are part of a family you say things to them you might not say to others outside the family...and you can brag on them if you want. I love to brag about my kids and grandkids...awesome. I have been in my family of churches for 25 years now...wow! Now I am aware again of how old I am. 

I love this family...most of the time...a lot of the time for sure. This is one of those moments when I think I want to brag on them a bit.(In a facetious way) I cannot believe how quickly we have moved on a certain topic...how quickly we are discussing this controversial subject...and how quickly we have gotten to...nowhere. I have studied Methodists...it has taken them hundreds of years...and really they are not sure yet. Some of the Lutherans..again hundreds of years before they decided to slip over the fence. Anglicans... Episcopalians...hundreds and hundreds of years...and then some of them broke up with the others. You know what I am talking about right? Really...you do. Well, it is the whole gay marriage....the LGBT issue. The leadership issue...do you ordain or not? Do we marry of not? I am so amazed we are even having discussions about this really. I wonder as I write this down...do you think we could get Rob Bell an audience with the Pope so he could explain to the Pope, “Dude you have to adapt...really you have to adapt.” I would like to see that....

(Really it is not a LGBT or marriage amendment issue...it is a biblical issue. How do we read the Bible? How do we look at the Bible...is it to be trusted? Is it a story book? Is it the Word of God...or not? I find that the amazing speed we have gotten to the point of turning scripture into a big story book has been amazing.)   

See we are supposed to be “Empowered Evangelicals” taking the best of two worlds. The best of Pentecostalism and the best of Evangelicalism and we are running with it. BOOM! That is us! We love the Bible and digging into it and we love the Holy Spirit...and moves of the Spirit. Yes we do...well we did. Thing is I don’t think many evangelicals are having debates over this...they seem to think the scriptures have said enough. And I am pretty sure those old Pentecostals are not voting on anything...and yet...we are...well not voting...discussing. Well, someone is...I have heard we have some V_______d Scholars doing a lot of talking. That is not me....25 years in a factory and dropping out of VLI with just a summer session to go does not qualify you to be a V______D Scholar. No siree Bob. So we are talking about it...and it seems like it is a difficult talk. I have a friend nearby that as I tell him our leaders are almost ready to make a statement he says, every time, “So what Paul had to say was not good enough?” I have to shake my head and say, “Jim, Jim, Jim....haven’t you heard? There are many new ways to read the Bible. It is not simple.” He does not get it...well neither do I but I pretend like I do to try to make him feel bad. I mean you have to know the “original language” and what it means...but then you have to know what the original language meant before the 1850s. Because after that we got it wrong. You have to realize that most of the Bible is stories...not real stuff...stories to make a point. I know Jesus seemed to think the stories were real...but what can I say. Science...science is helping us understand the Bible now...really helpful guys, those scientist. I suppose we could look at science through a biblical lens...but it makes others happier if you look at the Bible though a scientific lens. Got it? 

So then here we are...empowered evangelicals...waiting for our leaders to tell us how this all works. I have to admit...we obviously are much smarter than the average Den...Association of churches. How else could you explain us being here now? We are just quick learners....sorry you Lutherans and Episcopalians...I know it took you a loooong time to get what some would call...liberal...at least have liberal discussions. Not us....BOOM...we are there! The other day I got the word from headquarters...not yet out there for all our guys and gals. The paper I was waiting for to put this to rest...to lay down guidelines for our future. To slam it down in the table like a trump card and say, “Bam, there it is...now get with the program!” Got it. Wow! Disappointed. To say the least. Oh we did not completely disappoint...but kind of close...real close. You know I write this blog talking about my struggles with being a leader...I get it when you don’t want to lose friends by saying the wrong thing. I know what it means to be a people pleaser...so I know it when I see it too. I also know, after many hard and painful lessons, that is you don’t lead someone else will. If you don’t clarify and make a clear statement, someone will. (Now let me stop here a moment and say I truly believe the large majority of my tribe are still pretty conservative. I do not think we are a liberal group over all. But for us to be having these type of discussions over scripture is really, really strange on many levels.) 

A really good friend of mine was in the Lutheran wing that decided to license and ordain LGBT. He and the leadership pulled his church out...simple really...he said the denomination had changed...he didn’t. They walked away from Biblical truth to play it safer and be more popular. He couldn’t....and neither would his church body. It was really simple in his eyes. And this guy was not a factory worker...he is a seminary trained guy who loves Jesus. I talked with him today...even he admits...we are really speedy learners. 

Now I will get whacked here a little bit...the only thing I have going for me is not a lot of people read my blog. Unless you guys who do read it pass it around...then I might be in hot water. How did we get here? John Wimber and others got this thing going by allowing God to mess things up...to move. By staying true to the “main and the plain” as I just heard recently. You know we used to get a lot of “hate mail” as a movement. The Bible Answer guy did not like us....at all! And mostly over things the Holy Spirit was doing....making a mess. John, well, Lonnie Frisbee, taught us to say, “Come Holy Spirit.” and He came. Now we are kind of liked...accepted. Scientist like us...green people love us...scholars enjoy us. Yeah we are really main stream...but no longer in the stream we were in. The stream now is nice...slow...no mess...just drifting along...enjoying being liked. Except...where is the power?  The Presence? Is using the right light bulbs going to save the drug addict down the street? If I agree with the scientist that our earth is really old, will he now like Jesus? Doubt it. 

Soooo yes we have moved along at a fast pace. Personally I am like my friend Jim...I think Paul said it quite clearly...as did Moses. I think rather than looking at the original language maybe we should look at original intent and design. Just seems wise to me...and faith filled. 

Oh well...Jesus still sits at the right hand of the Father....well...unless being on the right side makes Him a conservative...then maybe He is on the left...no that can’t be...Is He sitting on the Fathers lap? Do we still believe in heaven or did Rob Bell do away with that too. Oh man...I am too old for this. Come Holy Spirit...               

What a Ride!

Barb and I were with some Pastor friends this afternoon and we began talking about odds and ends of things and the conversation came around to important encounters with God. This blog started out being called “Thoughts of a Reluctant Leader” so you can see I had some problems with being a leader. I got a little kick back and changed it to what it is now, “Thoughts From a Regular Guy.” I have kind of journaled here my struggle as I pondered leadership and all that it seems to mean to many. Boy many times I do relate to David when they tried to put Saul’s armor on him...uncomfortable and not very helpful...it just does not fit! So unlike the clothing we see out there where it says, “One size fits all” leadership is not like that at all. One size does not fit all...not even close. 

So as we talked today we went over some of the events in the last few years that have had an impact on me so powerfully. I have had a few and being almost 62 years old I am afraid I may be repeating myself here but that is OK...it’s my blog anyway. I began to recount the encounter at a retreat called “Come Away With Me.” Awesome retreat held near Ashland, Ohio....highly recommend. Towards the end of the retreat during my one on one time with my spiritual advisor, I met Jesus, or really, Jesus met me in a powerful way. I have always struggled with feelings of inadequacy and more...like I did not have a voice. That whatever I had to say really did not matter...and I had better never question someone more important than me...which was pretty much everyone. I talked about how if I entered a room of leaders I felt like a fake and was afraid they would ask me to leave if they found out who I really was. I told my one friend, who had been a college professor at a Bible college, I would never dared to think I was his peer. Never. He had degrees...I had...25 years at Ford. He would never or has he ever made me feel less than...I did that. But it was how I lived. Then this encounter with Jesus...He gave me my voice back...tells me I do matter...and I do have value. 

One person at the table eyes began to water...she not only could relate but she could feel the pain I had felt for all those years and wondered how I could live this out publicly...in front of my church...how painful it had to have been. You know it really was not that painful...the healing part especially. It was life giving...I got back what had been taken from me when I was about 13...my voice. And I live it out in front of my church family because some of them need to know there is always hope...always time for healing. Never too late. Not too late for her either. But this is the cool thing...I got to see right in the room my voice...my story mattered...to her and her story. Man, God is so good. I lived thinking I had nothing to offer...and now God is breathing on things I never thought He would...He can...if we let Him. 

I talked about another encounter...another retreat...oh yeah...gotta love those retreats! This was for pastors only...Vineyard pastors...my tribe...my family. I think that is why this one had such an impact on me...it was my own spiritual family speaking into me. During the retreat each couple got to tell their stories...one hour per couple to tell all they wanted to. Barb and I were in a pretty good place thanks to all the stuff God has been doing and done in the other retreat. Our goal as a couple is to finish this race...and finish it well. So many we have seen crash and burn when they should be having the biggest affect. 

So after you tell your story the other couples and the leaders of the retreat would speak words of affirmation to you...not prophetic things...what they saw about you that was good...that was God. It went on for quite a while....really nice people I think. Finally as it kind of was winding down one of the leaders asked me directly, “Bill did you hear what was said about you and to you?” I said sure...but you know they were nice people and they had to say nice things didn’t they? He then asked me again and then said, “Bill this IS what we see in you.” It connected...and I think it connected because it was my family speaking to me...my tribe...the people I love to journey with. It really means something when your family calls things out in you...it sticks. It has stuck...I see God doing so many cool things...even the meeting today was out of this overflow of God working in me...and me feeling like I have real value and things to share. Amazing!          

Some of you can’t relate to what I am talking about...you are in a very different place and that is so cool. Others will know exactly what I am talking about...you feel the eyes looking you over...the questions on their faces. Now I hope you will experience God calling you out and restoring your voice...your calling. I hope if you hear or read nothing else but this...God is a healing, restoring God...and He loves you and believes in you.  I hope your family or tribe will help you find your place...that they will call out the calling of God in your lives...they will affirm you and support you. 

Before I began writing I was thinking of the healing Jesus did where the person had to turn and walk in another direction before the healing happened. I remember the lepers where Jesus simply said, “Go and show yourselves to the Priest.” And they went...and they were healed...one came back to praise God for his healing. I hope you will read this and understand that is what I am doing here...not bragging about the strides I have taken...but really I am overcome by how He has moved and healed...and I have to tell someone!  My healing journey has been just that...a journey. Like the lepers I have had to head towards the temple to tell others about my healing...as I am being healed. 

I admire and am so thankful for leaders who really do have it all together...but I would not trade my journey for theirs. John Wimber used to say that he would never follow or trust a leader that did not walk with a limp. Thank you John for making room for a guy like me...a regular guy...with a limp...and a healing. 

You Go Ahead...

I love to play golf with my son...and also My grandson now...he is just learning. Corey, my son, and I play at about the same level...bad. We might have a good day and we do not need mulligans to feel better about ourselves but other days...a few do overs help mightily. Most of you who are parents out there will get this next thing I am about to write. I really get more joy when I see Corey hit a great shot that when I hit one. (not that I do very often:) He can hit the ball further and I love to see him whack it a good one. I enjoy him sinking a long putt or pulling off a good chip...whatever he does it always more fun to watch him succeed. I still do not like to lose to him but I am getting better there. You really long to see your kids...grandkids do well.

As I continue to grow older, and I have not figured out how to stop that other than checking out and I am having too much fun to do that, I get the same sense as I see men and women God has placed around us do awesome things. In our 19 years of leading our church we have had men and women come through and go on that God has used and is using to do amazing things with them. One young man God gave the vision to bring the C back to the YMCA and God is using him nationally and internationally to encourage this very thing. Some other couples felt led to help start a local House of Prayer in Toledo...and they are doing that. Numerous couples and singles have adopted children...local and international. Another young man came to us from Nigeria and served us for quite a while in our college ministry. He has since moved on and is building a great ministry among students and travels nationally with some big name musical groups speaking and raising money for well in Africa. Incredibly gifted...out of our midst. We love every bit of it! They, and many more I cannot put here, are so much more gifted...doing such great things...making such a big splash in this world. So proud of them...so blessed by them.

As I look back I am not sure what part we would have played in all of this...maybe not much...but maybe quite a bit. I think the best thing we did was give them a place and space to go for it...do dream big...to take risks....I can remember the time Sammy was making a sermon point...can’t remember for sure what it was but it was good...and then to prove his point he ripped some pages out of the Bible. Oh yes he did! Got some feed back on that one...but I would rather lose a few Bibles than to stifle passion. Don’t think he will do it again...but your never know. 

I am always concerned when I see leaders who have to be the one leading and looking successful.  Using other peoples gifts and talents to promote themselves...to be always holding someone back because they are not quite ready yet. How do we get ready? Back in the day a church I was part of decided to have an elders in training program. To gather some leaders and train them to be elders...sounds good so far doesn’t it? But there was never a graduation date...no one ever finished...always in training...know release date. So when they closed the church doors I guess I was still in training...still am I suppose. It was nice to be noticed but it was a shame I could never graduate...or at least get kicked out. Leader was insecure...had a great idea...but not sure enough in himself to release others to lead. 

For some being “the Pastor” is something to be grasped and protected...a title for reverence. They are the personality that drives the church and anyone else can be seen as a threat if they have some level of gifting too. I drive down the street and see the billboards with their names and faces out there for all to see and to be drawn to. I find it kind of strange myself. I have never been ables to grasp the idea that this is my ministry...I am pretty sure it is Jesus ministry and I get to walk along with Him. I am sure I am a bit backwards in many ways but it makes me feel safer about who I am. I never carry business cards with me...first of all in my wallet they would be all crunched up and dirty...and I don’t think they are necessary...for me. 

I think my point in writing is that I am in a season where I am really enjoying watching others be fruitful that I have had some contact with. My friends In Zimbabwe are doing so well...I love to hear what God is doing with them...new small groups starting up...new life happening...baptisms. Training...equipping...evangelism...all cool things. Now I am not writing saying this is because of me, I am saying I was there. I have new friends and they are doing so well...leading like they were meant to lead. 

Working with a couple of friends out west of me in a small community. Man they have been through a lot of stuff and they are still going on...change is happening...and we are just hanging out. I told them I do not have programs and schemes to pick up the pieces again but I can be a friend. I can listen...I can pray. Maybe sometimes you don’t lead by being out front but you lead by coming alongside...help carry some of the load...carry some stuff.  Just a thought. Won’t sell many books to be sure...but might help a few continue the journey and isn’t that more important than book sales? 

In Mexico we hung out with the guy who gets everything done for the ministry there...hard worker...tireless. Seems like when we first met all he did was work and build and it is important for what they are doing there.  In the past few years I have watched as God has begun changing him though...to a pastor of a small colonia church...his wife is really running everything pretty much right now...but he is coming along. You can hear it when he talks...about God and about this church he is overseeing. How he wants them to be a people filled with His presence...how He wants to build a place of hope...how he longs to equip his people to succeed. I told him it is going to get harder and harder for him to be away from this church family...to build things.. It is going to get stronger and stronger on his heart to care, along with his wife, for the people God has put under his care. I love it...because it is like my story a bit...and my friends in Zim...we were just going along enjoying life and church...WHAM!...we are pastors. We fought it...denied it...prayed around it...then gave in to it. 

Funny thing the church we are working with nearby are men and women that knew this is what they were going to do...trained for it...pursued it...got it. Kind of different for me to be interacting with them a little...but good for me...and them. It will work out...they have some real organized leaders working with them also...I am just there for the relationship part. To be the old guy in the room whose knees cracks when he stands up...who lost all his hair...and his beard is totally gray. My only desire is that they do well...better than me...they finish this race strong. It is Jesus  Church...not mine...not theirs...His. I think He wants them to do well...don’t you?                   

securely insecure...

Oh boy, I have to get my ideas down while they are still fresh in my mind. I am 61 and a half you know! I remembered this incident from early on in our church’s life. We were beginning to grow at a nice pace and a guy visited one Sunday. As I introduced myself and he told me his name I recognized the name but was not sure  from where. The I remembered a good friend of mine had told me about him and had said he was a really good guy. Truth is at one time he had come to Toledo to plant a church near the UT campus...but his leaders had discouraged him from doing this. Not sure why, some leaders that have titles like control and I kind of felt like this guy had got the short end of a story like that.

Anyway I went back to him and told him I had heard of him and how I knew this guy and that guy and we hit it off well. When you are at certain stages of church planting you are looking for other leaders to come alongside to work with you. He began to come around a little...kind of sporadic but making noises like he really liked what we were doing and felt at home here. He was gone for a couple of weeks so I called him to see if he was OK...this is what we do you know. 

When we connected we got together for coffee and to chat. I kind of teased him by saying, “ I called to see if anything had happened or to see if maybe I offended you. You know us pastors. We are an insecure group.” He responded with, “I am not insecure.” Nervous chuckle on my part...I was insecure...he wasn’t. AWKWARD! Later I realized...he was not leading anything! Why should he be insecure? He was sitting on the back row with his big responsibility being taking up the offering...and I mean passing the buckets not from the platform. 

I mean he did seem quite confident...and I know he had been extremely hurt by the other leaders...and I think he was quite gifted. Leading nothing.  Not insecure...but not too secure I think also. I always wondered why, if he felt like God was sending him to plant, he would let someone else talk him out of it. Now I am thinking I could use his help here...we have room for more leaders...we might even be able to send him out to do the plant he felt like God had intended him to do. He disappeared...well went back to the safety of the large church where he could be secure...in knowing he was not leading anything. Sad...really sad. 

I have a feeling as I read scripture Moses was pretty secure out there watching sheep hanging out with his wife and kids. It was not until the burning bush and God calling him out that his insecurity shows up. Gideon was fine hiding in the cave smashing grain until the angel shows up and says, “Have I got a job for you!” I have to admit it is hard to lead with much insecurity going on in your life...but on the other hand if I am too secure in my abilities, I may miss what God is trying to do with me and in me. 

Funny how I remember that moment...really not that significant...and yet I remember. I do wish I had been a more secure leader...but the key is...I was leading. I had said yes...when others thought maybe I shouldn’t...when I thought I shouldn’t...waiting for the “real” leader to appear. Turns out he was already in the room...it was me. Strange how that works isn’t it. 

I came across this guy a few more times at church events...I think he had a hard time remembering who I was. (imagine that!) Whenever we talked it was obvious he was still secure...and not leading. Sadness usually entered my heart as I thought about him...think about him now. I really do think he was a leader...probably would have done well. We are all secure in the boat...well kind of...but when you get out of the boat...watch out! It is a different world outside the boat. Insecurity explodes...until we look at Jesus...and He leads us back to the boat. 

Please do not read this as criticism of this fellow or me bragging on myself...nothing could be further from the truth in either case. John Wimber would say, “You know you are a leader when someone is following you.” While I so rejoice in this journey God has taken my me on and still has me on...I pray for those who began the journey to leadership and stopped. Lots of good men and women have been hurt or convinced they are not leaders and so they stop. Safe and secure in the background...but not fulfilling what God has called them to. 

So this regular, reluctant, insecure guy will sign off now...knowing I am no longer reluctant or insecure...well not too reluctant or insecure...and still a regular guy. 

Bill