You Go Ahead...

I love to play golf with my son...and also My grandson now...he is just learning. Corey, my son, and I play at about the same level...bad. We might have a good day and we do not need mulligans to feel better about ourselves but other days...a few do overs help mightily. Most of you who are parents out there will get this next thing I am about to write. I really get more joy when I see Corey hit a great shot that when I hit one. (not that I do very often:) He can hit the ball further and I love to see him whack it a good one. I enjoy him sinking a long putt or pulling off a good chip...whatever he does it always more fun to watch him succeed. I still do not like to lose to him but I am getting better there. You really long to see your kids...grandkids do well.

As I continue to grow older, and I have not figured out how to stop that other than checking out and I am having too much fun to do that, I get the same sense as I see men and women God has placed around us do awesome things. In our 19 years of leading our church we have had men and women come through and go on that God has used and is using to do amazing things with them. One young man God gave the vision to bring the C back to the YMCA and God is using him nationally and internationally to encourage this very thing. Some other couples felt led to help start a local House of Prayer in Toledo...and they are doing that. Numerous couples and singles have adopted children...local and international. Another young man came to us from Nigeria and served us for quite a while in our college ministry. He has since moved on and is building a great ministry among students and travels nationally with some big name musical groups speaking and raising money for well in Africa. Incredibly gifted...out of our midst. We love every bit of it! They, and many more I cannot put here, are so much more gifted...doing such great things...making such a big splash in this world. So proud of them...so blessed by them.

As I look back I am not sure what part we would have played in all of this...maybe not much...but maybe quite a bit. I think the best thing we did was give them a place and space to go for it...do dream big...to take risks....I can remember the time Sammy was making a sermon point...can’t remember for sure what it was but it was good...and then to prove his point he ripped some pages out of the Bible. Oh yes he did! Got some feed back on that one...but I would rather lose a few Bibles than to stifle passion. Don’t think he will do it again...but your never know. 

I am always concerned when I see leaders who have to be the one leading and looking successful.  Using other peoples gifts and talents to promote themselves...to be always holding someone back because they are not quite ready yet. How do we get ready? Back in the day a church I was part of decided to have an elders in training program. To gather some leaders and train them to be elders...sounds good so far doesn’t it? But there was never a graduation date...no one ever finished...always in training...know release date. So when they closed the church doors I guess I was still in training...still am I suppose. It was nice to be noticed but it was a shame I could never graduate...or at least get kicked out. Leader was insecure...had a great idea...but not sure enough in himself to release others to lead. 

For some being “the Pastor” is something to be grasped and protected...a title for reverence. They are the personality that drives the church and anyone else can be seen as a threat if they have some level of gifting too. I drive down the street and see the billboards with their names and faces out there for all to see and to be drawn to. I find it kind of strange myself. I have never been ables to grasp the idea that this is my ministry...I am pretty sure it is Jesus ministry and I get to walk along with Him. I am sure I am a bit backwards in many ways but it makes me feel safer about who I am. I never carry business cards with me...first of all in my wallet they would be all crunched up and dirty...and I don’t think they are necessary...for me. 

I think my point in writing is that I am in a season where I am really enjoying watching others be fruitful that I have had some contact with. My friends In Zimbabwe are doing so well...I love to hear what God is doing with them...new small groups starting up...new life happening...baptisms. Training...equipping...evangelism...all cool things. Now I am not writing saying this is because of me, I am saying I was there. I have new friends and they are doing so well...leading like they were meant to lead. 

Working with a couple of friends out west of me in a small community. Man they have been through a lot of stuff and they are still going on...change is happening...and we are just hanging out. I told them I do not have programs and schemes to pick up the pieces again but I can be a friend. I can listen...I can pray. Maybe sometimes you don’t lead by being out front but you lead by coming alongside...help carry some of the load...carry some stuff.  Just a thought. Won’t sell many books to be sure...but might help a few continue the journey and isn’t that more important than book sales? 

In Mexico we hung out with the guy who gets everything done for the ministry there...hard worker...tireless. Seems like when we first met all he did was work and build and it is important for what they are doing there.  In the past few years I have watched as God has begun changing him though...to a pastor of a small colonia church...his wife is really running everything pretty much right now...but he is coming along. You can hear it when he talks...about God and about this church he is overseeing. How he wants them to be a people filled with His presence...how He wants to build a place of hope...how he longs to equip his people to succeed. I told him it is going to get harder and harder for him to be away from this church family...to build things.. It is going to get stronger and stronger on his heart to care, along with his wife, for the people God has put under his care. I love it...because it is like my story a bit...and my friends in Zim...we were just going along enjoying life and church...WHAM!...we are pastors. We fought it...denied it...prayed around it...then gave in to it. 

Funny thing the church we are working with nearby are men and women that knew this is what they were going to do...trained for it...pursued it...got it. Kind of different for me to be interacting with them a little...but good for me...and them. It will work out...they have some real organized leaders working with them also...I am just there for the relationship part. To be the old guy in the room whose knees cracks when he stands up...who lost all his hair...and his beard is totally gray. My only desire is that they do well...better than me...they finish this race strong. It is Jesus  Church...not mine...not theirs...His. I think He wants them to do well...don’t you?                   

securely insecure...

Oh boy, I have to get my ideas down while they are still fresh in my mind. I am 61 and a half you know! I remembered this incident from early on in our church’s life. We were beginning to grow at a nice pace and a guy visited one Sunday. As I introduced myself and he told me his name I recognized the name but was not sure  from where. The I remembered a good friend of mine had told me about him and had said he was a really good guy. Truth is at one time he had come to Toledo to plant a church near the UT campus...but his leaders had discouraged him from doing this. Not sure why, some leaders that have titles like control and I kind of felt like this guy had got the short end of a story like that.

Anyway I went back to him and told him I had heard of him and how I knew this guy and that guy and we hit it off well. When you are at certain stages of church planting you are looking for other leaders to come alongside to work with you. He began to come around a little...kind of sporadic but making noises like he really liked what we were doing and felt at home here. He was gone for a couple of weeks so I called him to see if he was OK...this is what we do you know. 

When we connected we got together for coffee and to chat. I kind of teased him by saying, “ I called to see if anything had happened or to see if maybe I offended you. You know us pastors. We are an insecure group.” He responded with, “I am not insecure.” Nervous chuckle on my part...I was insecure...he wasn’t. AWKWARD! Later I realized...he was not leading anything! Why should he be insecure? He was sitting on the back row with his big responsibility being taking up the offering...and I mean passing the buckets not from the platform. 

I mean he did seem quite confident...and I know he had been extremely hurt by the other leaders...and I think he was quite gifted. Leading nothing.  Not insecure...but not too secure I think also. I always wondered why, if he felt like God was sending him to plant, he would let someone else talk him out of it. Now I am thinking I could use his help here...we have room for more leaders...we might even be able to send him out to do the plant he felt like God had intended him to do. He disappeared...well went back to the safety of the large church where he could be secure...in knowing he was not leading anything. Sad...really sad. 

I have a feeling as I read scripture Moses was pretty secure out there watching sheep hanging out with his wife and kids. It was not until the burning bush and God calling him out that his insecurity shows up. Gideon was fine hiding in the cave smashing grain until the angel shows up and says, “Have I got a job for you!” I have to admit it is hard to lead with much insecurity going on in your life...but on the other hand if I am too secure in my abilities, I may miss what God is trying to do with me and in me. 

Funny how I remember that moment...really not that significant...and yet I remember. I do wish I had been a more secure leader...but the key is...I was leading. I had said yes...when others thought maybe I shouldn’t...when I thought I shouldn’t...waiting for the “real” leader to appear. Turns out he was already in the room...it was me. Strange how that works isn’t it. 

I came across this guy a few more times at church events...I think he had a hard time remembering who I was. (imagine that!) Whenever we talked it was obvious he was still secure...and not leading. Sadness usually entered my heart as I thought about him...think about him now. I really do think he was a leader...probably would have done well. We are all secure in the boat...well kind of...but when you get out of the boat...watch out! It is a different world outside the boat. Insecurity explodes...until we look at Jesus...and He leads us back to the boat. 

Please do not read this as criticism of this fellow or me bragging on myself...nothing could be further from the truth in either case. John Wimber would say, “You know you are a leader when someone is following you.” While I so rejoice in this journey God has taken my me on and still has me on...I pray for those who began the journey to leadership and stopped. Lots of good men and women have been hurt or convinced they are not leaders and so they stop. Safe and secure in the background...but not fulfilling what God has called them to. 

So this regular, reluctant, insecure guy will sign off now...knowing I am no longer reluctant or insecure...well not too reluctant or insecure...and still a regular guy. 

Bill               

Boy this leadership deal is strange...takes many twists and turns...lots of ups and downs. I think if I had to make one statement concerning leadership it would be that the leader has to be a life long learner. Always digging deeper, going further. Never resting on past successes or accomplishments...not ever taking compliments to deeply. Even though I know I will never be a corporate style leader I have read many books on many topics just to be stretched to go further than I thought I could go. You don’t have to compare yourself to the Jack Welch’s of the world or incorporate all of what it takes to go from “Good to Great” but we should know and grow. If nothing else it helps us identify our strengths and allows us to bring people around us with other gifts. Not to fear other gifts and styles...to allow others to grow in how God has created them. 

Yesterday, I think for the first time ever, I told a friend in leadership they needed to hang out with me and Barb more often. We had something to offer him and the others leading around him. It took me about ten minutes to get it out...sounded so arrogant on some level...really...you should hang out with me...it would be good for you. Thing is he just looked at me and asked, “Why do you think I called you today?” Brilliant Bill...just brilliant. As I listened to him talk about some of their issues as a team they had the corporate model down...but knew little of servant leadership. Funny how God brings you to a place where you begin to see that you have things to offer when you thought you had nothing. How He can heal you enough to let you step out of your comfort zone to offer to help someone who may be more gifted, more of a leader than you. 

I leave the meeting wondering, what just happened there? Was that me? Did I really say that? What was I thinking? I also leave thanking God for never giving up on me...for Barb never giving up...for Dave never giving up...my church family never giving up. That is such a key in growth as a leader or in anything. Having people not give up on you...and knowing God will never give up on us. HUGE! I love reading stories about guys like Gideon, where and angel encounters Gideon hiding in a cave. He greets him with, “Hail mighty warrior.” Gideon had to be looking around the cave wondering who this being was talking to...surely it was not him. But it was...God calls it as He sees it, not as we do. He sees us so differently than we do...or at least before we do. Then He has others speak into us to help us get there. I cannot tell you how many times people have spoke into my life and said things about me that seemed so out of the picture. Words about leadership...about leading...that I wanted to say, “Hey you got the wrong guy here. That word must be for someone else in the room.” But when you hear it on so many occasions in so many settings you have to either believe God is speaking to you or wonder how so many people could be so wrong. 

A reluctant leader has to stand up and lead eventually or he will get trampled by those who want to follow. I do not think a leader always is way up ahead but more likely is just ahead of the group. If we get too far ahead or think we need to be separated from the group how will they ever follow? Won’t they get discouraged and stop...or look for a leader who cares enough to see how they are doing? I think this is why scripture and Jesus use the model of a shepherd so often. In a flock of sheep there will be all sizes and shapes if sheep..some who can want to go fast but many others who will need to travel slower. Young sheep, lambs, who need care and nurture...who just cannot travel that quickly. Sometimes they need to rest...sometimes they need to play...to learn what it means to be a sheep out in the pasture. The dangers...the adventures...how to get to water...who will find food for them. You do not drive sheep like cattle...you lead sheep. John 10 Jesus is speaking and He says, “He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When He has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.” 

I think this is Jesus model of leadership...He goes ahead...and yet is close by...close enough the sheep can hear His voice. I suppose at times I may be too close to those following...if you can be...there is a model that many in the Vineyard and other churches use and have talked about. It talks of moving from a shepherd to a rancher...from leading the sheep to leading the ranch hands and driving the cattle I think. Honestly I have never been able to transition to rancher...maybe in the future...more to learn for sure. For now a shepherd is who I am...and now I am seeing that God has done enough in me that I do have stuff to offer others...not my stuff...God’s stuff. That maybe a shepherd could teach a rancher a couple of things...maybe. 

I will tell you it is nice to enter a room and not feel like I am a fraud...that I should not be there. That if someone asks the right questions I will be found out...that One who is greater than me or you has said I am welcome to sit at the table. It is He who called me to be a shepherd...like He was. I always wanted to be like Jesus...always...still do...and if this part of it. That is way cool by me. 

Bill

PS 

In the past few weeks God has spoke on many different occasions to Barb and me about our level of influence increasing...about the authority I walk in...and so much more. It is overwhelming on so many levels...humbling and fearful. I, we, are open to all of this but my heart is to always makes sure it is in humility that we walk. If there is influence...if there is authority...it is all from Him...and while I will walk where He says I need to continue to always be pointing back to Him. “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights,” (Jas.1:17)

I can walk in some measure of confidence...in Him...not me...I know me. Pray for me, us, to continue to walk humbly before God and His people...we will go where He sends.                  

The other day I remembered an incident from a motorcycle ride a few years back and for some reason it has stuck with me.  It was Barb and my first long ride with a group and on the last day as we were heading home we had to ride out in a heavy rain. We stopped for breakfast hoping the rain would let up but it would not. So we headed out...three bikes heading home after a great week of riding. Of course Barb and I had the worst rain suits ever and the other tried to talk Barb into tying plastic bags over her shoes to keep her feet dry. Come on. No one looks cool with plastic bags tied to your feet...even Barb. So she refused. 

Well, we left out and it was raining and on the highways you get lots of spray off the cars and trucks around you. It was wet...and not real comfortable feeling...little scary I suppose. Somehow I ended up leading the pack through a downtown interstate area and we got beside a truck and we had to decide whether to pass or not. So I am leading...wondering what the others would like to do. Pass? Stay? Pass? Stay? No way to ask. Now I begin to feel the pressure to lead...I am uneasy. Water spraying, rain falling, road wet. WHAT DO I DO? 

I decided to pass the truck...on the right side...in at least three lanes of traffic. The cool thing about being on the bike is no one can tell I am scared. All looks the same from behind me I suppose. Even Barb cannot tell. So I go for it. The good news is we made it just fine...and even if I had wet myself no one could tell because I was soaked anyway! But I was really tense going around the truck. I might not have done it if we had been by ourselves but with others following expecting you to lead...you go. 

I read this the other day: Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.  ~Dan Rather. Dan is not a guy I will probably quote a lot and I am not saying it took courage to pass...but as a leader I find myself leading even if I am not feeling the bravest at the time. People are following...you either lead or get out of the way. I remember on mission trip we had a young high school guy with us working and he did everything slow. Now he was a great guy to have on the trip but he was not a sprinter for sure. We were carrying paint supplies into a building we were going to paint and he was in front of me carrying some items and I was right behind him carrying a bag of cement mix. He was moseying along and finally I said, “Anthony, either speed up or step out of the way.” He started to speed up...then shrugged his shoulders and moved over so I could pass. Great memory for me. 

I have felt the poking or prodding from others as they wait to see if I will lead. I have also felt the poking and prodding from the Lord to see if I will lead or not. His is gentle prodding for sure but still there with persistence.  God is the only One who really knows when we are afraid to lead and He is the only One we can count on to go with us as we lead. Others may not go...He will. The angel of the Lord came to Gideon and said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” Gideon is hiding in a cave! Mighty warrior! You have to appreciate the Lord’s great kindness to call to us as He sees and knows us not how we see and know ourselves. Being afraid does not disqualify you from leading...it means you are human. Does the fear lock you up...do you hear the voice of the accuser reminding you how big of a chicken you are? Do you hear our own voice telling you you cannot do it? Do you hear the lies from your past saying you have always been a coward. What makes you think anything is different now?

I love being around people that seem to be fearless. Nothing is a problem. No problem is their favorite answer...we can take that hill! (or whatever they are going after) Well maybe I don’t really love it...but I am fascinated by it...appreciate it when I see it. So different from my wiring it can be confusing to me and I can get offended by and I begin to accuse them of not having humility...not true at all, just me. I guess when I write I am writing for the leader like myself...that is not John Wayne. For every very confident leader there is another leader God has called and is looking for the confidence to put one foot in front of the other. To keep moving at all. I am not sure one is better than the other but I do know this...who God calls He will equip. If God chooses to use you or me in a leadership role He will not only send us out...He will go with us!

Gideon threw out fleeces to God...if this is you do this...or this...or that. I think it came to the point where God would bypass Gideon’s asking and just say, “If you need to know more do this...or listen to that.” I do not do a lot of fleecing but I do a lot of talking...to God.  

The challenge we all will face is if He has called you to lead then you must lead. It is simple obedience. He is not sending you or me out to fail...but He is sending us out...to lead. I know you did not pursue a title or some position...He chose you...He pursued you. I think we all have to put ourselves in a place to hear the Father say, “Hey there mighty warrior, I am with you.” 

Yep! I was afraid that day on my bike...not a big deal really...but it is a reminder that to walk on water you have to push fear back, look at Jesus, and get out of the boat. Either God is who He says He is or He is not. Either He is with us or He is not. I am meditating on something AW Tozer once said: The most important thing you think is what you think about God..” (might not be an exact quote) I am thinking that as a pastor one of the things others want to know from me as a leader is just that...what do I think about God. It will show up in our leading...or lack thereof. 

So all of my chicken friends out there...let’s lead through the fear of failure...through our weaknesses...because if you are leading...someone is following. I have an acquaintance nearby, another pastor who teaches spiritual formation primarily to pastors. What he does to start each session is send the class out with the 23rd Psalm and a notebook and pen and instructs the class to read and listen. You know if you struggle with much fear as a leader I really would recommend you doing the same. Become very familiar with this Psalm...and what God would say to you through it. Good stuff. 

Bill

Oh boy...a new year...2013 Funny. I was trying to think back to when I would have begun noticing the new year...probably about the time I entered school. Until then who cared...but when you started school then you had to put the date on papers and such. So I would guess I began noticing about 1957...ouch! That is a loooooong time ago. It was a good year for Chevy I guess, and a good year to head to first grade. So then I head into high school in the ’60’s...the turbulent 60’s. Did not seem all that turbulent to me...I think you begin to assume assassinations and mobs burning down cities were kind of normal. Didn’t that happen all the time? Viet Nam...did not really want to participate in that...aren’t never ending wars normal? I was busy trying to find a girl friend, make it to the big leagues as a baseball player, and not to flunk out of school. So the 60’s did not seem at that weird to me...great music for sure. I went to Woodstock...the movie. 

So the 70’s and I decide to follow Jesus...the Jesus movement was in full swing...I think I got swept in by that move, but in reality I was saved in a small, country church that was full of people from Kentucky, Alabama, West Virginia and other parts south. I was in the minority as far as not having an accent...or maybe I had the accent. So while many were coming to Jesus in cool places where hippies gathered and rock music was played...I was hearing hell fire preaching 3 times a week...blue grass music by whoever was not back-slidden that week...and wearing leisure suits. Yep leisure suits...platform shoes...that’s enough of that.

The 80‘s were our really big church age I think...no more listening to music with a beat. That is the devils music...only Christian music played here...became a charismaniac....lots of fun and weird. Church got weird in more ways than one. Cultish at times. 

90’s found us being introduced to Vineyard....should have ran I guess. Did not...now look at where I am! I need to say this, when we discovered the Vineyard it was like finding out family...our tribe. I am quite sure only the Vineyard would have said yes to Barb and I planting a church. I was a factory worker looking forward to retiring one day and doing what ever God wanted...THEN...not now. I am so grateful for guys like Danny Meyer and Rich Nathan telling us to go for it when it really did not make much sense for them to agree to it. So mid 90’s planting our Vineyard.

Then the turn of the century...2000...Y2K. Who could ever forget Y2K? I could...what a bunch of hype...and much of it from the church. I can remember a young man asking me when was I going to start warning the congregation about the impending doom of Y2K. I think I said I would do something the first week end in January of 2000...he thought that might be a bit late. It was fine. Now I need to let you in on one of my funny Y2K moments. The one thing I did do was but some extra gas for around the house. About 30 gallons in five six gallon cans. I thought maybe we should have some extra gas around if gas station computers crashed...and also I would have plenty for my lawn mower for the summer. Well, nothing happened and one day in my garage I stumbled on one my of my gas cans and it slid across the floor empty. Huh? So I kicked another one...empty. All five cans...empty. I scratched my head and wondered what had happened. Then I knew what had happened. My son had happened. Since the cans were sitting there full and Y2K had passed he assumed the gas was up for grabs. All of it! I told him he had to refill the cans. I think I got one can filled back up. He is a smart one.

So now we are passing into to 2000 teens...2013. I am 61 years old...61 and a half Dave tells me. Been on the calendar since 1951. Back in the 60‘s, the decade not my age, 61 was ancient. Really, really old. Now it just seems...old. Following Jesus for over 40 years and it still seems like I am a beginner. Married to my best friend for 40 years...still trying to be a better spouse. Two grown kids...six grandkids...amazing! I could not imagine myself in 1957 as a grandparent...or even having a girl friend. 

I guess as I write today I am thinking there was nothing in the my past that would have pointed to me being here, doing what I do today. Never went to church as a kid, ever. Really was not a leader in school though I was elected Sgt. at  Arms of my Senior class, more popularity than leadership skills. I remember being picked to captain the football team one game...I froze...could not even call out heads or tails. Leader? Not so much. When I surrendered to Jesus I think God began preparing me and Barb for leadership down the road. We served in every role in the church imaginable...bus ministry...Sunday school teacher...choir director (no kidding)...cleaning the church. Whatever needed to be done...we did. That is the way I thought it was supposed to be. I think early on I suspected God could call us to pastor...as an assistant or something like that. In our church life we have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly and it has helped form us to lead the way we lead. What we saw good we could hold onto but other stuff we would run from...manipulation...not knowing what you believed...control.etc. We said no way. 

Have we been perfect leaders...no...not even close. But Danny Meyer told us long ago, “Build a church you would want to go to and others will want to go there also.” I have had lots of good advice over the years but that has been a cornerstone to what we do. May sound selfish but I have friends that pastor churches they do not like and would not go to if they did not work there. Sad. So happy New year to you and me...it has been a long journey for sure...I have seen so much...assassinations, school shootings, planes flying into buildings, people blowing buildings up, multiple long wars. The Jesus movement...the charismatic movement...laughed through Y2K...Toronto blessing...wept as friends died too young...a lot of stuff. My hope is that in all of it God was able to shape and build things into me that help me as a leader. Life shapes us...it can beat us down and defeat us or it can make us to be the leaders and people God has intended for us to be. We choose. I choose to be clay in the hands of the potter...how about you?                       

Merry Christmas! Doesn’t it feel like we just said this a week ago? Now I am beginning to understand the old adage of being over the hill. It is not so much that a person is declining in usefulness but everything has sped up. Now I do sound old!

Once again, Barb has given the order to write a Christmas letter, so here I go. 

Barb and I know we live in many blessings...our children and grandchildren are close by...

really close and we are so blessed by that. 

Stacy is still working at Springfield schools, running a class for those who are expelled from school to try to help them keep up on their work; she continues to teach workout classes for the Y; and she is one of our church’s great worship leaders...just saying. One of Eric’s former students and track athletes, Eric Kynard, won a silver medal in the Olympics this summer. That was cool. Stacy’s oldest, Ian, sits with us every Sunday for worship and that is so much fun; He is becoming a first class drummer. I didn’t see that coming! Eric’s oldest, Bradley, is still working on becoming a basketball star and is doing quite well in that quest. Will, the youngest, is...well he is...he is Will!. He loves anything with a ball. I even took him the driving range a couple of times this summer. He and his cousin Jace are best friends, most of the time, and love to play with cars together. 

Corey is still working with Ford and has moved to a different area that draws from some of his tool and die skills. Nichol is home schooling Evelyn and Cole, and I am sure that is keeping her busy. Corey and Nichol are expecting baby boy number 3 in January...keep the grandkids coming is what we always say!  Our kids are our greatest source of pride...Corey and Stacy are awesome...and the grandkids are even more awesome!  Evelyn is still our red head, beautiful, little princess with an amazing smile. I think she has some of her mom’s artistic abilities which result in some great drawings from her. Cole is doing well in school and I think is going to be like his dad with skills to build things; to be able to look at a problem and solve it; and to be a real helper. Jace, who I mentioned earlier, is a three year old who is sure he is at least ten. Not much fear in him.

Barb and I had lots of fun this past year...too much for one letter. We did a motorcycle trip with five other pastor couples down the Blue Ridge Pkwy, and it was a blast. Fun rides and great fellowship! She and I also did a ride to Green Lake, WI by ourselves for a retreat and then a 40 year anniversary celebration. We both said the whole trip was one of the most fun times ever...and we have had lots of fun over 40 years. Also jammed into our lives this year were our mission trips. Barb spent a little over two weeks in Zimbabwe with four other ladies. It was a spiritual adventure for sure...she took over 400 pictures. (This will be important in a moment.) In November I was able to go to Zimbabwe with a friend, and I too had an incredible trip. We both fell in love with the people and the Church there. And I took...here goes...I took one picture! Barb was not too happy with me, but I figured how many more pictures of Zimbabwe does anybody need? A few more I guess.

Monday evening dinners with our kids are such fun...trips with friends are great...a wonderful church family...we are so blessed to have you all in our lives.

We recently lost a friend, and that makes you realize life is short...just a mist...here today...gone tomorrow. We are grateful for and treasure each moment God has given us.

Have a great Christmas...and an awesome New Year.

Bill and Barb...  

OK then...I have had a strange week or so as I look back and try to embrace leadership.  I was reading on Facebook the other day...and a friend posted...a really smart friend posted and I felt so dumb...so out of my league as a leader of a small area of churches. I swear as  read...he did speak English...but I could not decipher what he was trying to say. Then when I did begin to understand I realized I did not agree...but how does a former factory worker approach a highly educated and intelligent person and disagree? I feel like in my simple approach to God and Jesus and His word and His church whatever I had to say would come out like a kindergarten student debating with the high school captain of the debate team.  It won’t be pretty and all I could hope for would be sympathy points...called another friend and said, “I am outta here!” He talked me off the ledge. (figuratively speaking) All of you who read this and struggle with confidence and self esteem issues know there always seems to be a voice saying, “See, I told you, you can’t do this.” Always. 

I have to admit the voice is not as authoritative as in the past...not as in control as before. We might still hear and begin to listen but then another voice comes in and reminds us we can do this...and we are not alone. In time my hope is the other voice dies of completely...and I will give him a proper burial. 

A couple of Sundays ago, at our worship celebration, I confessed I still struggle with fear of man...hard to lead with that one for sure. Then I had other brave cowards stand with me and we prayed for God to set us free. We prayed for a better view of God.  We prayed to live from Gods’ love for us. I know for myself I had some breakthroughs the next week and I hope the same for my brave friends who stood with me. Now some of you might ask why would I confess something like that to my church family...and I wonder why wouldn’t I? I was struggling to lead...they deserve a better leader...I knew others struggled with the same stuff...and I wanted them to be free from it. As a leader I felt like I had to lead them in this area...I am one of them not above them or way ahead of them. I am on the journey also. And it is always more fun to travel with others!

Then on the positive I had a couple of cool things happen...encouraging words.  Alice, from Zimbabwe e mailed and told me how things were going over there since I had visited. It was all so cool...baptisms happening this week end...stories being told. Then she told me how she has been “leaking” out recently. Now before you jump to conclusions let me explain...if I can. When I was there on a Sunday one of the things I mentioned was out of 2 Corinthians 4 where Paul says, “We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not us.” We are cracked pots...clay jars...not meant to store this amazing power but to let it leak out of our cracks...even to be tipped over and poured out. What spills out is not us but God...His power...His love. So Alice and others have been leaking, allowing God to use them in very naturally supernatural ways. Conversations with some that seem so stand offish. Small touches of kindness that do not seem very big a the time but over the course of time they add up. Cowards like me and Alice...it spurs us on to take more risks. The encouraging thing is to hear stories of people hearing my story or the message God gave me and then running with it. They listened, heard and believed it was true! How cool is that?

 We were with some friends this week having dinner with their small group. The friend began talking about her 16 year old son and a story he told her. First we realized that when they began hanging out at the Vineyard since he was about 3 years old. Other than a few years when they helped with a church plant and then felt lead to help another church in the area of worship they have been with us. (Some of my favorites but don’t tell them) Anyway the son is taking voice lessons and after one of the sessions he told his mom about this conversation he had with his teacher. Somehow they got in a God conversation and the son told his teacher about how the important thing in church is loving God and others...and I am sure much more but this was the gist of it. His mom looked at me and said, “That is you Bill...that is what he has heard over and over.” His teacher e mailed the mom and told her about the conversation also...I do not remember all the details but he was so impressed with how her son confidently carried on this conversation and that he had never had anyone lay it out so simply and clearly. Well, after I brushed the tears out of my eyes I had to say it was such a blessing to hear this story. So encouraged that maybe the next generation will get it done better than we have. So encouraged to know he has been listening...and buying it...getting it. 

I stand back and look...my grandson worshipping and then praying for adults because God told him to. Another young guy leading a small group to head out to the malls to pray for people...sick people...anyone who will let them. A really young girl writing down a vision God gave her to tell her how she will minister to abused children...especially girls. So many signs that even a regular guy can have an impact...could lead...and some will follow. 

It can be so easy to be intimidated by others...those smarter...bigger...with more hair. What I am beginning to see though is this...God is not all that impressed with all that. He is not looking at degrees...He is not looking at positions and titles and being impressed. He is still looking at hearts...for willingness...for servants. Will a person hold onto the truth in scripture or bend it a bit to help culture feel better? Will scripture hold a greater place than mans reasoning?  Will the Church ever influence culture again or will we bend to culture to try to be relevant? It seems to me that at times the Church or rather some of its leaders want to apologize for God and His word and His old fashioned ways. He is quite old you know...always has been...always will be. Old. Ancient. 

I still agree with my young friend...it is about loving God...and loving others.  We can use many big words in between there but that is the story...and loving others might mean having to tell them...it might mean you have to be truthful with them...you just might have to tell them...here goes...you might have to tell them, no you are wrong about that. That breaks God’s heart what you are doing...it breaks His heart. I think it is more loving to tell them the truth...even if it hurts...than to try to make the truth help them feel better about themselves...and leave them living a lie. That never helps.  You know a person can use big, ambiguous words...sound really, really smart...and still be wrong. Yep...that is right...could really be intimidating...and wrong...so little guys in the world...lead on...we need you.