Get Off the Plane Bill!!

OK so after the plane landed in Zimbabwe...continuing on from last blog...pretty smooth huh? By the way I want you all to know...all 30+ of you reading this...I have an international following. Yep. I do. Readers in Africa...and maybe even Brazil...amazing. Anyway, before I got sidetracked and bragging about my blog, I was going to tell you a little about my trip to Zimbabwe.First of all I know people say the world is getting smaller but sitting on a plane for over 15 hours going and 18 hours coming back it sure does not feel small. Of course I get a seat that will not recline back...so I got the guy in front of me in my lap as I sit straight up, looking forward. All I can say is I am sure my tail bone was bruised by the time we landed in South Africa. I must stop my whining for a moment to thank Carol for getting aisle seats for Ray and I as we traveled...huge blessing...THANK YOU CAROL!!! Though I don’t think she reads the blog I needed to say thanks...someone else can tell her. Maybe Ray will...he reads sometimes...I think just to check up on me...see if I am slipping back into my old grumpy ways.  So where was I? Yeah...going to Zimbabwe. 

Well, my traveling companion and the guy who asked if I wanted to go had a plan for when we got there and that plan had many meetings in it. Many...meetings. I think I am allergic to meetings but I was afraid to let Ray know, so I went along with his plan.  I will meet people...and I will like it...or try. He made a small mistake right away...he said to me, “Bill, if on any of these days you want to do something different from going to one of my meetings...go ahead. Do what you would like to do.” A loop hole if ever I saw one...I tried not to take advantage of it...too much. One day he had an important one on one meeting...since it was one on one not two on one...I went golfing. Who could pass on a chance to golf in Africa? A friend made the arrangements...I was going golfing with a stranger...worse yet he had coached golf at a high school.  Wonderful guy...one of the worship leaders at the church in Harare...awesome story...we had a great time. I golfed incredibly bad even for me...my caddy, yes I had a caddy, kept saying to me, “Don’t worry boss.We are just having fun.” Did not help much but was kind of him.

   When, or if, you struggle with insecurities and self esteem issues you just cannot bring yourself to believe you have much to offer. On this trip I had settled in my heart I did have something to offer...I could just be myself and allow God to spill out where ever He would choose to do so. Let me say this before I go much further, my friend Ray was amazing on this trip in so may ways. Brilliant! First we were meeting with the Vineyard pastors there on Monday and it was going to be a tense meeting...feelings had been hurt...trust was waning...and we were getting together to try to reconcile. It was one of the most God kind of moments I have ever witnessed. Ray and the other leaders talked and listened and apologized and repented where needed.  There was a real sense of honor and respect there.  The churches there have been through so much just like the whole country has been. They have been in a constant season of transition as people leave Zimbabwe after losing everything...or need to move to another community to try to survive. Tough place to lead in for sure...but they do.

Also Ray was to meet, well me also, another group that was a group of young leaders who might want to plant churches for the Vineyard.  Kind of a recruiting trip...and again Ray was on point...relaying what we were looking for and relating it to a dating process...weirded me out a bit but they understood where he was coming from. We met some great people...prayed for many them and drank much tea with them. It was great fun...but I sensed I was there for a little different reason. I really wanted to connect with Bob and Alice and their church family.You might remember Bob and Alice from an earlier blog...maybe not. I could use their real names I suppose but I like the fake names...adds a little suspense don’t you think?  We were staying with another friend, I will call her Pat...well Pat got me hooked up with Bob and Alice real quick. She invited them and her neighbors over for tea...Ray had one of his important meetings to go to, so I had tea with Bob, Alice, Pat and friends. Brilliant, as they would say...loved the time hanging out with all of them. Bob and I had a good chat by ourselves and I was struck as I heard his story. Bob has struggled with taking the reigns here as pastor...the story of how he got the role is so similar to mine...but truth be told...he is a trainer for executives in people skills and management styles...an entrepreneur..really the kind of person we would look for to plant or lead a church. He struggled a bit with being a pastor...leading...but I also sensed he was really beginning to find his footing as a leader and take the role and the calling to heart. As the days went on I had more opportunities to spend time with them and just get to know them.  Alice was such a great hostess, I felt sorry for Ray a little bit...not a lot, just a little. I got fed way better than he did for sure...Alice sent a picture of a sandwich she had made for me to Barb and Barb said I need to cut back or I would not fit in the seat on the plane ride back...not nice. 

So many more stories to tell, I will write more soon but let me wrap this first one up with this thought. Well, a couple of thoughts...one I had a wonderful trip...it was really the first time I had ever gone out on my own without Barb alongside. That is just how we do things...together....unless she goes out on her own:)  A great trip to meet great people.  What I saw was this...I knew it but grew more comfortable with it I suspect...I am a pastor...it is what I love...it is the call on my life. 

Ray has much stronger leadership skills and that is awesome...those skills allowed him to go places and meet people that might have great affect the Church in Zimbabwe. My time with Ray was time well spent...I enjoyed watching and listening...and my time with Bob and Alice...Pat and her neighbors...her sister...hearing her story...praying for her...the twin daughters...and Guido...married to one of the girls and owner of a couple of sweet motorcycles. Victor the golf coach/worship leader and all around great guy. Zechariah..(not his real name either) a young domestic worker who senses a call to do ministry and has many great questions...and so many more. Time really well spent.

These people were not necessarily our target group...Pat was relentless in making sure no one was overlooked or forgotten. Yes, there were leaders to be discovered...and there were others to be listened to...cared about...encouraged to keep on moving forward in the kingdom...healing needed...people set free...relationships began. I realized I was sent to the regular person...not the strong new leader...the regular guys and gals. Some in leadership...some not...but all players in the Kingdom of God. Makes sense...doesn’t it?  Thoughts from a Regular Guy...great title for a blog don’t you think? 

Bill   

Leavin' on a jet plane!

Well, I am getting ready to leave later today for Zimbabwe...not a vacation destination but not a mission trip either.  It is a ministry trip for sure, meeting other pastors, potential church planters, and other ministry leaders. I guess as I sit here thinking it just does not seem real on many levels...me going to Africa?  This guy who lives in the very same neighborhood he grew up in...next door to the house he grew up in...in the house we built 35 years ago and rebuilt 7 years ago...with my daughter and grandkids five houses down the street.  My sister and her family four houses down same street....my son and his family two neighborhoods over...me, I am going to Africa? I spent most of my life working in auto plants...not in executive roles but common jobs...running machines and setting things up. Me...I am going to Africa...with Ray...I think I may get mad at him...he invited me to go. 

 I have been to Brazil and spent days, well weeks on the Xingu and Amazon Rivers and that amazed me also.  I would be sitting on the boat in the middle of nowhere thinking, “How in the world did I get here?” OK, I know a plane or two helped get me there...but how did I get there?  I think I will blame Barb for that one...that usually works...no I will be angry with a couple of guys named Rick...they invited us to go.  Yep...I am ticked at them now!  Really that does not answer the question I have...why am I going to Africa now? Barb is not going and I know she would love to go...I am not sure I “love” the idea of going...anywhere.  I think if it was not for her and my kids I could easily be a hermit...well and my church family...hard to be a pastor and a hermit. I do think I could hide...never leave a spot...never be uncomfortable...just sit and wait for Jesus to come back I suspect.  But noooo...I am going to Africa.  Oh boy.

I am not sure why I am wired like I am...I understand life shapes me and I know I am in a much better place right now than even a couple of years ago. As I sit here and write my thoughts down...tears spring up as I think about not seeing my wife...my kids...MY GRANDKIDS!!...my church family for a couple of weeks. What is wrong with me??? Doesn’t it seem kind of strange? Probably to many of you it does seem strange...maybe I should cancel the trip to go see a shrink...kidding. This is just who I am...and I am OK with that.  I really am not the best dad in the world for my kids or Papa for my grandkids...it is not like I spend every day with them...but I suspect one of the reasons I enjoy being a pastor is this...I love being a dad and grandpa...love it! I will miss my family...so why am I going?

The only explanation I have right now is this from Paul in second Corinthians...”For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.” It really is the first five words...For Christ’s love compels us...not other reason to go to Africa...to leave an easy factory job with benefits...to sit on a boat in the Amazon...to pour concrete in Mexico...to leave behind those you love the most...His love compels us. His love for me...His love for others compels me to go...to be uncomfortable...to fight feelings of being inadequate...to really believe I carry something with me that can make a difference. His love compels...not dreams of an international ministry...no thoughts of being someone special. My love for Christ...and His Body...that compels me. The thought of encouraging other leaders to continue on and not give up...to lead with joy. That motivates me. He motivates me...when I sense His love for me...how could I not go?  

So what I realize now more than ever...it is not me that anyone in Zimbabwe needs...it is Jesus in me...this is what is needed...so off to the plane I go. I will cry when I think of missing my daughters birthday...missing golf with Corey...dinner with all the kids and grandkids...and I will wonder over and over why God would choose to send me...and I will thrive in the mystery of His love and mercy...it is not about me right now..it is all about Him.

Bill   

PS..By the time this is posted I am back in the states...I wrote as I prepared to leave but did not have time to post.

Shift happens!!

I am going to write a few blogs on the lens I see through...it is changing...but what it can look like to look through the lens of feeling insignificant.  The journey to leave that behind and move on is my journey...leading while feeling like you have nothing of value to share or that your voice will never be heard is next to impossible.  I could teach others how much God loved them and how He wanted to set them free but was a struggle to find it for me...

Seems to me like I really am going through a major shift in my life...deep inside. I have struggled for as long as I can remember with thoughts of not being good enough, strong enough, smart enough, or spiritual enough. Never really feeling like I could ever make a difference no matter what it is concerning.  One night driving home on the turnpike in a pretty big snow storm, I noticed on the other side of the road an accident had happened.  It was pretty recent as there were no police or any other help there. As I started to drive by, I noticed the truck was beginning to burn, and I pointed it out to Barb but with no intention of stopping.  Why would I stop? I am not a fireman...a medical person...I would just get in the way.  Now Barb begins telling me to stop and immediately jumps out of the car and runs to the wall dividing the road...I sit in the car...what could I do?  What could I offer?  She grabs blankets and whatever else she can get her hands on and all the time praying...in tongues...in her understanding. 

This is an over the top illustration I think and yet this scene demonstrates what I am talking about in a physical picture...she sees a need and runs to it...she is not a fire person...a medical person...she is not thinking she will be in the way...there are people in need. It is kind of over the top but when you are pretty sure you have nothing to offer you think more about yourself than others...or maybe the overwhelming feeling you just don’t have what it takes paralyzes you.

I also have discovered thinking you really do not matter or have anything to offer can impose itself when you want or need to show compassion or sympathy to others. Recently a a leader close by went through a hard, emotional time as they suffered loss. As I wrestle with how or even more real, do I reach out, I can be struck by how little I have to offer...more important people will step in...why would they need or want to hear from me. The low self esteem stops even the most simple of efforts just to say I am sorry to hear about their pain. Maybe they don’t need to hear from me...maybe they do...or maybe I need to go beyond my self preservation and show kindness.  Again this is a pretty dramatic scene but imagine when you feel this way how you respond to other invitations or opportunities.  Invited to go on mission trips I wonder why...what is the point...it is just me...I really don’t do much...or have much to share.  I guess you have to wonder how I even came to be a Pastor...me too...the only thing I truly know is God  looks for someone to say yes to Him. I think that is how...I said yes.  

But the shift...ahhh the shift...shift happens. (sorry I could not pass that by) I am pretty convinced in our ministry journey we begin with much of ourselves being involved, mixed with God, knowing all things are possible with God.  I think where we end up is...we know without God we go no where. It is all Him...Maturity is, in my eyes, this journey from being independent to being dependent...on Him... for all things. So lately I see God bringing people...young and older, probably none older than me, but older, and He is bringing them towards us...me...and I am finding I feel like I have stuff to offer them...it is the strangest feeling I have ever had. How do you transition from feeling totally useless to being useful...in your own eyes...you see, this is where it has to finally settle in.  God knows who you are...others see it way before you do...but you have to see it. You have to own it. I could tell others about it for themselves...affirm them...encourage them...but not for myself.  I think if I did begin to go there, I was convinced I was then becoming prideful...and I did not want that.  Wow! I sure am complicated aren’t I? See I am drifting back right now...

So I see these people coming my way and my first thought is to....run!  They will find out I am a fake...I will discover I was right all along...I have nothing to offer. But instead I want to lean into this new discovery...this new sense of belonging...this sense that I can make a difference.  The good thing is when you come from way over on the other side of that, you know you have to give it away...it is not mine to control...to profit off of...you let it leak out...pour out...because it is not yours anyway.  Then in God’s kingdom, others will draw it out of you, pull it out when you aren’t looking...their hunger...their faith draws it out. In conversations...just hanging out...doing life. I am talking with young leaders who are so much more gifted than I and it is such an honor...and they just want to hang out.  They are hungry and they pull the best stuff out of you...and then I meet with senior leaders who, by the way we measure things in church culture, are so much more successful than I, but we talk...about God...what I might know about Him. 

Such a paradigm shift for me...strange...humbling. I really don’t know when the shift began in earnest...I sense it began as I sought to be healed by the One who knows me the best...healed of deep stuff.  It began as others believed in me before I did...saw things I could not see...challenged me to be a pastor...a leader.  Recently we were in a setting where others in our circle were asked to speak words of affirmation to us...not just made us stuff but what they saw...in us...in me.  Right towards the end one of the leaders asked me if I had heard all the things spoken to me and I nodded that I had but not in a very convincing manner I suppose.  He looked at me and said, “This is what we see...not what we made up...what we see. You need to hear it!”  Now that shook my world a bit...it was not make believe...it was real...for them...for me.  Shift happens...the Spirit takes one who will say yes and heals and moves them along the path of life.  

Bill               

Does Jesus really need the help?

I opened my e mail inbox a while back and found two interesting e mails waiting for me to open.  The first had a catchy heading that said, “Christian marketing that get results,” I guess as opposed to Christian marketing that does not. Well, I immediately deleted it but then went back and got it out of my trash to see what Christian marketing that works looks like...wouldn’t you?  So I read how I could advertise our church on this Christian e mail newsletter thing that gets sent out to keep other like minded evangelicals informed on what is happening in the Christian world. I have tried to unsubscribe from this newsletter myself without much success, so they are pretty tenacious if nothing else.  But marketing that gets results kind of leaves me a bit cold...market our faith...market our worship of God...market our values...our very relationship with God.  Doesn’t that seem weird? So I did re-delete it...then went to the next e mail, “Outreach tips, ideas, and SPECIAL OFFERS.”  I have been trained to never, ever miss out on a special offer so I had to look.  

I was so relieved to find out it was not too late to down load the special kit for, “Back to Church Sunday.”  I was sure I was too late...lots of great things to welcome those who maybe took the summer off...or the last decade off from church, back to the building!  All for a small fee of course...well it got much larger if you got the door hangers, the posters, the 30 days of preparation, and the best thing of all the Pastor rap video! I am sure that is quite inspiring...but then I began to feel a bit sad...how did Jesus do all He did with out a marketing plan...and banners...and door hangers.  How did He get along without “ Marketing that gets results?”  How?  I think of a couple of stories in the NT that just scream to me that the Holy Trinity really does not understand marketing at all...not even close.  A rich young guy comes to Jesus and asks a simple questions...how do I get in?  Jesus plays along and gives him a few rules he should follow...and the guy smiles wide and says, “ Been there and done that!” I am pretty sure Jesus disciples are watching and beginning to think this whole thing is about to get much better...once Jesus welcomes this guy in, no more sleeping outside for us, no more praying for the food to get bigger, this guy will pick up the tab and it will be good.  The Jesus says, well fine and dandy, now go and sell everything, give it to the poor, and then come and follow me.  Can’t you hear Peter screaming in the background? What??? And the guy went away sad...for he had lots of stuff.  

Any marketing person with any sense would have pulled Jesus aside and told him getting this guy on His team would make life so much better.  He was well known, maybe even a celebrity, and would bring other people with him to Jesus team.  They could live better...eat better...everything would be better.  But Jesus does not go for bigger and better...He goes for the guy...his heart. The young guy went away sad because the call was more than he could handle.  Mark wrote, “Jesus looked at him and loved him.” It was not because Jesus was angry or having a bad day, he loved this young guy...enough to tell him what he really needed...to put his trust in God...not his stuff.  Hard.  We spend so much energy trying to make it easier for people...more safe...not confrontational...but sensitive to the persons needs.  Are we really nicer than Jesus? It seems odd to me people of all kinds came to Jesus and we don’t really see that same thing happening with the Church and yet we continue marketing the church.  Jesus loved him enough to say to him, “Your religious acts are not enough...come and follow me.” 

Enough of Jesus lack of marketing skills, let’s look at this new entity called “The Way‘ or “The Church” that was forming in Acts. Acts 5 has to be a mistake...doesn’t it? A couple sells some property and is going to give some of the the money to the church because that is what was going on.  The husband walks in, plops down the cash, I guess pretending that this was all the money and wasn’t it grand this good thing he was doing.  Peter looks at him and asks, “Why would you lie to the Holy Spirit?” and BOOM! The guy drops dead...not good for church growth if you ask me.  Not a good marketing tool at all!  The news papers will be all over this...and it cannot be good. The story goes on...his wife walks in and agrees with the charade...Peter says the same thing to her and, well you know, down she goes. What in the world is God thinking here?  This Church thing can be dangerous to your health I guess...well playing church can be for sure.  

Marketing plans...church promotions...really.  Doesn’t it make your heart sad? 

A young woman at our church told her story on Easter Sunday...she told of her struggle in an area of her life.  She told of choosing, for a while, to satisfy that area of her life, all the while professing her love for Jesus. Then a friend challenged her with a simple question...”Do you love that part of your life more than you love Jesus?” Her actions said she did...until confronted with the question...and her love for Jesus won out.  She left that behind and moved forward with Jesus...I am sure there are still struggles but as long as she puts her love for Jesus first, she will win.  Church is where Jesus and His people are...where we hang out together...and where we are He is...and people are changed. I am not looking for marketing that gets results...because I know a God who gets results.  Way more fun...and much less stress.  

I know I am not a cutting edge leader...looking for the newest and the best...I am a leader whose edges have been cut off...who believes Jesus when He says those who follow Him have to die to themselves...

Bill              

This Will Scare You

I have a few friends that are in high places in the corporate world...really I do. The thing that amazes me is that it really can be a brutal environment...here today...gone tomorrow. I am glad to know that there are people like my friends in those places because of their moral and ethical beliefs and life styles but I have seen from the outside the coldness of that world.  And I am amazed that the Church and its’ leaders would look to that world for help in leading...but we do.  I know it is not all bad and there are things we can learn from anybody...but still...I wonder.  I probably wonder because I was never a part of that world or wanted to go into it...in fact is was always much further down the food chain.  At the bottom I suppose you would say...and I was good with that. Really. 

In my head I have this funny image of Jesus sitting with His disciples right before He ascended into heaven...He looks at them right in the eyes...stares at them...and calmly says to them...”Before I leave tomorrow I need to have your five year plans for growing the church turned in so I can evaluate them.” Peter probably would have screamed at that and asked for it to be scaled back to a two year plan...based on how he had run his fishing business. Maybe Jesus would have relented and said, “OK, two year plan turned in by later today.” Some of you might not know what I am talking about but if you are going to plant a church one of the things you will be asked for is a two year plan...used to be a five year plan.  You know why they only ask for two years now? God always blew up the five year plan within the first two years!  Anybody you ask will tell you their five year plan was in shambles in a short time.  Now being a simple, bottom of the food chain kind of guy I only have one reason for that in my mind...there may be more...but in my simple way of thinking it is this.  Even God does not like two year plans!  You think? Maybe He would have liked to see the marketing plan to build this church...how do you market the Son of God?  Well the resurrection was cool...and all those healings and miracles...run with it John...really?

But we continue to borrow from the business world their way of doing business...how to run a tight ship...get all the right people on the bus and the wrong people off.  I do understand the need for organization and for doing things well but I struggle with the idea that maybe the person I have doing this role might not be able to get us to the next level so I have to can them to get the better person in place. They are a C level person and to get to A you have to get the right person in place...now! Well...OK...maybe...but what if I am the C level person?  Can I grow to a B?  Or am I hopelessly forever a C and I need to be replaced? Scary if I am the one in that wrong seat on the bus...really scary.  What happened to us being a body?  With Gifts from the Spirit?  What happened to Jesus being the Head of the Church?  How did we go from being an organism, filled with the life of Jesus, to an organization filled with flow charts and graphs? What happened? 

I have seen, in the church, good men and women kicked to the curb because the leader thought they just were not good enough to get them to the next level, whatever that means.  Been on the job for five or ten years and they walk in and BOOM! your are done...gone...with best wishes and I hope you will stick around the church and continue to tithe. Really, I am  not making this up...a business plan for the church...a business mind set to run the church...a CEO at the top.  Excuse me if I seem to be out of it here...if what I think is so looney it seems weird to you...but I do think I hear a voice calling from a distance...a still, quiet voice...small and yet strong...can you hear it?  I think I can...scary voice...scary request...I think I hear Jesus and this is what I hear Him say...you don’t have to believe me....listen for yourself...but listen.  I think He is saying, “Can I please have me Church back?”  

Bill

PS...Part of the reason for my writing this is my recent experience with a person on staff with me. They have been with us for over ten years and in that time I could have and maybe should have let them go.  Personal conflict and stuff...hard stuff.  Not coming from a business mindset I just could not do it...man I wanted to on many occasions. But could not.  Now some of it was my own stuff for sure...baggage...healing needed. Well in the past couple of years God has done amazing things in me, first of all.  Some much needed healing and growth.  Then He has done amazing things in the person on staff...amazing things...healing and growth. Awesome stuff!  I,we, would have missed this if the corporate mindset had been our mindset. It was difficult before and maybe I should have been the Boss and made the cut...but I would have missed seeing a miracle happen right before my eyes. Transformation happening...in me...and them.  I don’t know about you but I really like miracles.           

Looking up!

  I was thinking the other day, as I am prone to do, more leadership thoughts and how I still cannot seem to wrap my head around being a leader....at least a leader like the ones in the popular books out there. I have nothing against the books I just feel different...and I know many of you do also.  Then as I thought and meditated on how God has called me to this role I saw the image in my mind of the person who would stand on a sidewalk and begin to look at something in the sky...real or imagined.  Then how others begin to look up to try to see what they are looking at...real or imagined...and how a crowd can form because one person stopped and looked up. In a weird way this person became a leader...others followed. It then dawned on me that this is how I lead...and why some will follow.  No, I don’t just stand around looking up at random things to get others to look up also.  But...I am looking...pursuing...going after...God...His ways and His stuff. And others will follow because they are looking...pursuing...going after...God...His stuff and His ways.

John Wimber used to talk about leadership and he would say that on many occasions he was not way out front leading and urging people to follow but he might be just a half step ahead of those following. He might not have all the answers but he had one or two more than the others did...so he lead. I see life with Jesus as a journey I am on...with others...so in some areas I am a step or two ahead and others who are on this journey follow along. I do know the destination is God and becoming like His Son but the journey takes us to many places we had not planned on going.  And every place...a hurt...some success...forms us and makes us.  

Barb and I love riding our motorcycle and we really love to ride with others...just more fun.  Also we like to stay off the highways and the roads that are bigger and quicker...and find roads where there is more beauty and adventure in the trip. Instead of being surrounded by cars and trucks in a hurry to get from point A to point B you get off to see what all is around you.  The small town that no one visits since the free way went through...the lakes and rivers that help make the roads wind.  The beauty of the journey...enjoyed instead of passed by.  Now it takes much longer to get from A to B but the journey forms memories and gives us places to go back to explore on another day.  We rode back from up in the middle of Michigan on a Saturday and what should have been a three and half hour trip turned into a ten or twelve hour trip...but we ate lunch on a beautiful beach...explored amazing sand dunes...had dinner at a quaint restaurant (food destinations are important to bikers:) and so much more. New experiences experienced together...the journey was so much more than just a trip to get home...it was an adventure.  Fun!

Now I am rambling...what I am trying to say here is that for some of us who lead, and there are many like me out there, well for some of us we realize we are on a journey...maybe we are even minding our own business just wandering through the countryside of life and before we know it...someone is following.  Not because we are the smartest (thought we might be), the tallest or best looking, the most powerful or most confident person around.  Mostly because we are heading some where. We are on a  beautiful journey towards a beautiful God...filled with discovery and awe.  It seems like every day there is a new discovery...a new leg of the journey...and others are coming along. I hear the Spirit say “Don’t fight it Bill...it really is not about you...it is about Me...and what they see in you is your desire to find me. Keep leading.”

Bill     

A letter to another reluctant leader

Recently Barb was on a short mission trip with some women and met some incredible new friends.  I am going to focus on one couple that lead a church.  I am going to make up a couple of names here, again for their privacy and to show some respect.  Alice made a comment that caught my wife’s attention.  She said that they became leaders of the church because they felt like they were painted into a corner and there was no way out.  Barb jumped in with, “That is what Bill says about the way we were called into being pastors. It was like a game of musical chairs, and Bill said he was the last guy standing with no chair...so he got picked!” Definitely not a Paul on the road moment or Isaiah moment with coal and an angels. I tend to joke about it but that is how it felt!  Now I am going to say this...even though that is how I felt it does not mean it was a bad thing...it was a God thing. So I am going to write a letter to Alice and her husband, Bob, the two painted into the corner leaders.

Bob and Alice, welcome to the club! When you saw where this all was heading did you ever ask God this one? “You want me to do what?” If I ever get around to writing my leadership book that is going to be the title.Or, “What Are You Thinking Up There?” Another good one.  So let me guess, I really do not know your story, but I would guess it goes like this, you are minding your own business just serving the Lord and His church and all the sudden, BOOM, you are in charge.  You now have the title pastor. You are not even sure how it happened and, if you were like me, you really never wanted to be a pastor.  I was a worship leader and a small group leader and that is all I wanted to do. (Between you and me I had kind of come to not really like pastors. Don’t tell anyone.) I wonder if, also like myself, you did not have any letters after or around your name or really pretty pieces of paper framed on a wall. Maybe you do...not me...I was a factory worker all my adult life...no pedigree here.  So every time you walk into a room with the people with all the letters and degrees you tend to feel a little out of place like you really, really do not belong here.

So then it is hard to lead just because you yourself do not feel qualified...deep down you wished God would send a real pastor, leader.  Do you tell those you lead how unqualified you are?  And are you really charismatic? In more than one sense of the word?  Are you the person everyone wants to be around because you ooze charisma?  Or would you prefer to stand back out of the light. Since you are a Vineyard leader how is your prophetic gifting? Your power ministry?  Have you raised the dead this week yet? Do you happen to be in close proximity to the biggest church in the area?  That only can help. 

So Bob and Alice if I have missed describing who you are then do not worry someone else will read this and understand what I am talking about.  If I am tracking along OK then let me talk to you personally here for a moment.  First you need to get over this, “I was not called but forced into this feeling.” Well, don’t get over the called thing but let’s jump to this...you were not only called but what is more important you were chosen.  That is right! Can you believe it? He chose you. Matt.22.14 “For many are called, but few are chosen.” Sure lots of people seem to be called but Jesus says few are chosen...you were chosen...hand picked by the Father to lead...to pastor.  I would guess if you were painted into a corner it was the only way God could corral you to call you.  You would have continued to let someone else go ahead of you, to point out the real leader in the room and then step aside.  Did He choose you because you were the best and brightest?  The most handsome and gifted?  The gung-ho leader who could solve any problem and take any hill? Maybe...but not likely.  He chose Israel...not because of how imposing they were but rather because He loved them and wanted someone to display His glory to the rest of creation.  David was not the biggest and the strongest...Moses stuttered...Peter fished...Paul...well Paul was not a nice guy at first.  I love 2 Cor.4:7 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not us.” Alice...it is not about us at all...it is about Him. I suspect you could do a wonderful job pointing at Him...directing people towards Him.  I suspect that as you fall in love with Jesus all over others will follow you and do the same thing.  You might struggle with two or five year plan but I figure God chose you because what you really want is Him. You didn’t ask for a title, you asked for Him...more of Him and less of you.  If you will lead from there others will follow...really they will.  You or I may never pastor the biggest churches but I think we can pastor the best churches.  A wise person here in the states told us as we began, “Just plant a church you would want to be a part of and others will join you.” That is what we did...and others joined us in this journey.  

Now a part of the challenge for us reluctant types is this...we have to realize if we do not lead someone or something else will.  If we do not lead with some clarity you will notice some being angry with you and you don’t know why and even weirder yet neither do they, but they are ticked.  It is because of the fuzziness of the vision...it appears to be distorted to them and it cause them irritation.  You have to lead but not like someone else would, rather you have to lead the way you lead.  You have to be you and like it.  The one God created...the one God called...the one God chose. You.  No one else.  I am in the same state where the two largest churches in our movement are located with two really good leaders.  Very different leaders but great leaders...and I am not like either one. So what? You have to quit telling people how under qualified you are or how ungifted you really are.  God did not have to choose you He “chose” to choose you! (Does the make sense?)    

Lead from what you know, be genuine, be transparent and be in love with God.  He so loved you He called and chose you.  He is not punishing you He is caring for His church and He is doing it through you...if you let Him. Alice and Bob...yes you are in over your head...way over probably...and you might not be the ones you or anyone else would have chosen...that is fine.  God has different criteria than we do and He sees much deeper than we ever could.  He sees your hearts...He hears your prayers and He captures your tears in His hands as you weep over your church family and your country.  You are NOT sinking!  You are walking hand in hand with the One Who loves the best.  Let Him do it...please. Let me encourage, challenge you...and me...to hand the Church back to the Father and His Son and His Holy Spirit. Let’s take it back from a corporate, management mind set that has so deeply influenced His Bride and let Him have it.  It is His, you know.  Jesus said He would build it...not me...not you...Him.  Be encouraged and loved...you are so loved and so highly regarded.  Bob and Alice...close your eyes and listen for the voice of the Father right now...be quiet...listen...listen.  You hear Him?  Can you hear Him whisper to you?  What I can hear Him saying right now is I hear Him moving from angel to angel in heaven and He is bragging on you...telling all of heaven how precious you are to Him...How proud He is of you...how you have His heart.  Hear it?  Listen...then go and be...His hands and feet...His voice of love and reconciliation. Rest in Him.

Bill